Categories
Experiences Group

May Eulitt’s and Her Two Companions Group NDE

The following group NDE appears in the International Association for Near-Death Studies publication Vital Signs (Volume XIX, No. 3, 2000) and is described in a greater way in May Eulitt’s and Dr. Stephen Hoyer’s book, Fireweaver: The Story of a Life, a Near-Death, and Beyond.

May finally made the transition into spirit on February 19, 2002, due to complications following a surgical procedure to repair one of her heart valves. She was 52 years old. The following is her near-death experience as described to Dr. Stephen Hoyer:

During the fall of 1971, when I was 22 years old, I shared a near-death experience with my cousin, James, and his best friend, Rashad, who was from India. Both young men were on a break from school and were staying with my family on our farm. One afternoon the three of us went to the cornfield to cut fodder. To get to the field we had to go through a metal gate, and we took turns climbing down to open and shut it. By late afternoon a storm started brewing in the west, and we decided to quit for the day. It was James’ turn to open the gate, and as he did so, he reached up for my arm to climb back up onto the wagon. I was leaning the wrong way, and his weight pulled me toward him. Rashad grabbed my other arm to steady me, and we were in just this position when the lightening hit us.

I saw the lightning sparkle along the top of the gate. The next thing we knew, we were in a large room or hall made of dark stone. The ceiling was so high and the gloom was so thick we couldn’t see the top. There were no furnishings or wall hangings, just cold, black stone all around. I knew I should be afraid, but I just felt peaceful, floating along there in the gloom with my two friends in the great, dark hall. The stately walls of this place loomed above us and seemed to radiate both great power and also great masculinity. I remember thinking it would have suited King Arthur. It was at that point that I realized that the three of us were united in thought and body. Images of Arthur came to me from James and Rashad. James saw only a cosmic version of the king. Rashad seemed to [be] envisioning himself in the time of Arthur. As we all became conscious of each other’s thoughts, I suddenly knew James and Rashad better than I have ever known anyone else.

We realized there was light coming into the chamber from an archway at one end. It was more than just light. It was a golden, embracing warmth. It gave off a feeling of peace and contentment more intense than anything we had ever felt. We were drawn toward it. We weren’t talking, but we were communicating with each other on some other level, seeing through each other’s eyes. As we came to the archway and passed through, we entered a beautiful valley.

There were meadows and tree-lined hills that led to tall mountains in the distance. Everything glistened with golden sparks of light.

We saw that the sparkling lights were tiny, transparent bubbles that drifted in the air and sparkled on the grass. We realized that each tiny sparkle was a soul. To me, the valley appeared to be Heaven, but at the same time I knew that James and Rashad were seeing it differently. James saw it as the Gulf of Souls. Rashad saw it as Nirvana, and somehow we knew all this without speaking. The light began gathering at the far end of the valley, and slowly, out of the mist, a pure white being began to materialize. I saw an angel with a strong, bright face, but not like you’d usually imagine. She was closer to a strong, Viking Valkyrie. I knew she was the special angel that watches over the women of my family, and I perceived her name to be Hellena. James saw this same being as his late father, a career Naval officer, in a white dress uniform. Rashad perceived the being to be the Enlightened One, or Buddha.

The being spoke first to Rashad and welcomed him. He said that Rashad’s time on Earth was done. He was worthy now of Nirvana. Rashad asked why James and I were there and was told that we were part of the reason why he was worthy of Nirvana. His two great friends loved him so much that they had willingly accompanied him on his last journey. At the same time, however, James received a different message. He had been worried about what his father would think about his anti-war protest activities, and his father told him he was proud of him for standing up for what he believed. He knew he was not a coward because a coward would not have made this journey with Rashad. I received yet another message in which Hellena told me she was glad I had remembered the example of strength, honesty, wisdom, and loyalty taught to me by my family.

We spent what seemed like an eternity in this place as we talked to our separate, yet joined, entities. They said they appeared to us in this way because back in the real world we were physically joined when the lightning struck us. They said it also symbolized the joining of all religions and doctrines. They said I would live to see a new age of tolerance, that the souls and hearts of humanity would be joined as the three of us were.

The guides taught us that doctrine and creed and race meant nothing. No matter what we believed we were all children joined under one God, and that the only rule was God’s true law – do unto others as you would have them do unto you. We should treat all people as if they were a part of our soul because they were. All living things in the universe were connected to one another. They said that soon humanity would mature enough to assume a higher place in the universal scheme of things, but until then we must learn acceptance and tolerance and love for each other. They said there would come a new age when people would not be able to endure seeing others homeless and hungry. We would realize that only by helping each other could we truly help ourselves.

Eventually we were told that it was time to go. We would not be allowed to stay longer because it was not yet time for me or for James, only for Rashad. The enlightened one told Rashad he would have a little time before he returned to take care of his worldly affairs. James’ father told him he would return to this place soon after Rashad, but the two of them had to go back for now so that I could. I said I would willing stay here in this valley with them, but Hellena told me that I had not fulfilled my destiny; that I had children yet unborn.

We drifted slowly toward the archway. The pull became stronger and we were literally thrown back into the world. We floated for a while there, hovering above our bodies. Some of my cousins had been in the next field and had seen what had happened. We saw them all come running to where we lay. James and Rashad’s hands were still stuck to my arms. We saw my cousins pry their fingers loose so they could turn Rashad over to help him.

When our hands were pried loose, James and I re-entered our bodies. We felt as if we were on fire, but it turned out that we had only minor injuries. Rashad, it seemed, being on the end, had taken most of the charge. The doctors said that the lightning had caused damage to his heart, lungs, and liver. He remained in the hospital for several weeks. During that time, tests revealed that James had a brain tumor that would eventually claim his life.

As soon as Rashad could travel, James took him home to India. He offered to stay, but Rashad told him that he wished solitude for his final time. Rashad took on the life of the Ascetic, in the Vedic tradition. He asked his wife to stay with her family because he wanted his last days to be spent in spiritual awakenings. About a year and a half later, on a cold day in January, Rashad returned to Nirvana. James and I knew when his soul left the world without being told.

James lived about three years after he found out he had the brain tumor. He gave most of his considerable inheritance to a charity that educated young people in India. I, on the other hand, have survived for another thirty years (so far) with the knowledge that this experience which I shared with my closest friends has been a guiding force in my life. I strive every day to meet my destiny, whatever it may be, with the same quiet dignity and resolution they showed when they met theirs. They have truly been my pathfinders, and I know that the connection I shared with them so long ago is the same connection we all share. We just sometimes fail to realize it.

Categories
Exceptional Experiences

P.M.H. Atwater’s Near-Death Experiences

P.M.H. Atwater, L.H.D., Ph.D. (Hon.) (pmhatwater.hypermart.net and www.amazon.com) survived three death events that produced three different near-death experiences in 1977. Visit Atwater’s Q & A Blog and her NDE News Blog. Sign up for her free online newsletter. She is one of the original researchers of the near-death phenomenon, having begun her work in 1978. Today, her contribution to the field of near-death studies is considered on par with those of Raymond Moody and Kenneth Ring. Her first two books, Coming Back to Life (2008) and Beyond the Light (2009), are considered the “Bibles” of the NDE. With the publication of Future Memory (2013), she has expanded her work into areas of brain development that call for a reconsideration of what is presently known about transformation consciousness. She has done extensive research into the aftereffects and the analysis of common elements of the NDE. Her research into children’s NDEs led to her writing the book Children of the New Millennium (1999). Her latest book, The Big Book of Near-Death Experiences (2014), is in my opinion the most comprehensive book on the subject of NDEs to date. She is an NDE expert and the author of many other wonderful books including: The Forever Angels (2019), The Animal Lights Series of Children’s Books (2019), A Manual for Developing Humans (2017), Dying to Know You (2014), Children of the Fifth World (2012), NDEs, The Rest of the Story (2011), I Died Three Times in 1977 (2011), Beyond the Indigo Children (2005), We Live Forever (2004), The New Children and NDEs (2003), and Goddess Runes (1996).The following are P.M.H. Atwater’s insights into the NDE from her book, Beyond the Light.

Table of Contents

1. What It Feels Like To Die
2. What Death Is
3. What Existence Is
4. The Realness of God
5. The Big Picture
6. The Four Types of NDEs

1. What It Feels Like To Die

Any pain to be suffered comes first. Instinctively you fight to live. That is automatic.

It is inconceivable to the conscious mind that any other reality could possibly exist beside the Earth-world of matter bounded by time and space. We are used to it. We have been trained since birth to live and thrive in it. We know ourselves to be ourselves by the external stimuli we receive. Life tells us who we are and we accept its telling. That, too, is automatic and to be expected.

Your body goes limp. Your heart stops. No more air flows in or out. You lose sight, feeling and movement – although the ability to hear goes last. Identity ceases. The “you” that you once were becomes only a memory.

There is no pain at the moment of death. Only peaceful silence … calm … quiet. But you still exist. It is easy not to breathe. In fact, it is easier, more comfortable, and infinitely more natural not to breathe than to breathe.

The biggest surprise for most people in dying is to realize that dying does not end life. Whether darkness or light comes next, or some kind of event, be it positive, negative, or somewhere in between, expected or unexpected, the biggest surprise of all is to realize you are still you.

You can still think, you can still remember, you can still see, hear, move, reason, wonder, feel, question, and tell jokes – if you wish.

You are still alive, very much alive. Actually, you’re more alive after death than at any time since you were last born. Only the way of all this is different; different because you no longer wear a dense body to filter and amplify the various sensations you had once regarded as the only valid indicators of what constitutes life. You had always been taught one has to wear a body to live.

If you expect to die when you die you will be disappointed.

The only thing dying does is help you release, slough off, and discard the “jacket” you once wore (more commonly referred to as a body). When you die you lose your body. That’s all there is to it. Nothing else is lost.

You are not your body. It is just something you wear for a while, because living in the Earth realm is infinitely more meaningful and more involved if you are encased in its trappings and subject to its rules.

2. What Death Is

There is a step-up of energy at the moment of death, an increase in speed as if you are suddenly vibrating faster than before.

Using radio as an analogy, this speed-up is comparable to having lived all your life at a certain radio frequency when all of a sudden someone or something comes along and flips the dial. That flip shifts you to different frequency. The original frequency where you once existed is still there. It did not change. Everything is still just the same as it was. Only you changed, only you speeded up to allow entry into the next radio frequency on the dial.

As is true with all radios and radio stations, there can be bleed-overs or distortions of transmission signals due to interference patterns. These can allow or force frequencies to coexist or co-mingle for indefinite periods of time. Normally, most shifts up the dial are fast and efficient; but, occasionally, one can run into interference, perhaps from a strong emotion, a sense of duty, or a need to fulfill a vow, or keep a promise.

This interference could allow coexistence of frequencies for a few seconds, days, or even years (perhaps explaining hauntings); but, sooner or later, eventually, every given vibrational frequency will seek out or be nudged to where it belongs.

You fit your particular spot on the dial by your speed of vibration. You cannot coexist forever where you do not belong.

Who can say how many spots there are on the dial or how many frequencies there are to inhabit? No one knows.

You shift frequencies in dying. You switch over to life on another wavelength. You are still a spot on the dial but you move up or down a notch or two.

You don’t die when you die. You shift your consciousness and speed of vibration.

3. What Existence Is

Time and space, as we know them, exist only on the Earth realm. When you leave the Earth realm, you leave such constraints.

There are realms and dimensions of existence without number, ranging from the slower, more dense vibrations of form to higher, finer streams of non-energetic currents. And there is more beyond that, realities that cannot be measured or described in the convenience of mathematics or mind-play.

Hell refers to levels of negative thought-forms that reside in close proximity to the Earth realm. It is where we go to work out, or remain within, our hang-ups, addictions, fears, guilt, angers, rage, regrets, self-pity, arrogance, or whatever else blocks us from the power of our own light. We stay in hell (and there are many divisions to this vibratory level) for however long best serves our development. There is no condemnation here, only the outworking of our own misjudgments, mistakes, misalignments, or misappropriations (what some people call sin). In hell, we have the opportunity to either revel in our folly or come to grips with the reality of consequences – that every action has a reaction, what is inflicted on another can be returned in kind. We experience the “flip side” of our despair or our demands, “living through” the extremes of whatever we dread. This is not a “punishment for our sins” but a confrontation with any distortion of our sense of values and priorities. We do not leave until we have changed our attitudes and perceptions.

Heaven is a term used to describe levels of positive thought-forms that reside in close proximity to the Earth realm. It is where we go to recognize or enjoy our worth, talents, abilities, joys, courage, generosity, caring, empathy, giving-ness, virtue, cheer, diligence, thoughtfulness, patience, loving kindness, or whatever else reveals the power of our own light. We stay in heaven (and there are many divisions to this vibratory level) for however long best serves our development. There is a sense of benefit here, as if one has found one’s true home and all is well (what some people call “recess”, or a time of rewards). In heaven, we have the opportunity to assess our progress as a soul, to evaluate pros and cons and outcomes, to remember all truths including that of our real identity. We experience the glory of love and the power of forgiveness.

This is not an end point, but, rather, the realization of our purpose in creation’s story, how we fit, and what possibilities for future growth and learning exist. We do not leave until we are ready for our next advancement either in the world of form or beyond it.

No one knows how vast creation is … only that it has always been and will always be. Shapes and embodiments change and alter, substance is recycled, but existence exists, as does energy.

Existence is life, never ending and ongoing, forever and ever eternal. Yet its only true movement (without the distortion time and space give) is expansion and contraction, as if the existence that exists were capable of breathing. What appears as a progression, a time-line of starts and stops and ever-changing variations, is but an overleaf, an illusion, that helps us to focus on whatever spot on the dial we currently inhabit so we will accomplish what we set out to do (or at least have an opportunity to), and not be distracted by The Truth that undergirds reality.

Using television as an analogy, the picture we enjoy seeing, the progression of a storyline with characters acting out a script, is but a trick of perception. What exists, what is really there, is quite literally one electron at a time (with black and white, and three at a time with color) fired from the back of the television tube to the screen to be illuminated once it hits the screen as a tiny dot. The continuous barrage of electrons-turned-into-dots creates the appearance of images, as scanning lines roll from top to bottom separating information coming in (new dots) from information fading out (old dots). You adjust the vertical hold on your set, not to remove strange bars appearing in the picture, but to place all screen activity within the range of your own perceptual preference. A television picture tube is nothing more than a “gun” that fires electrons at a screen. Your mind connects the electron dots into the picture images you think you see, while it totally ignores the true reality of what actually undergirds the operation. The way television operates, at least in our daily experience of it, is an illusion.

Existence is a lot like television. What exists, what really exists, can’t be fathomed by how it appears to operate or what it seems to be.

4. The Realness of God

God is.

God is the one presence, the one power, the one force and source of all. There are no competitors to God, no reality existent outside of God. God is omnipotent (all powerful), omniscient (all knowing), and omnipresent (present everywhere). There is no place where God is not, simply because nothing exists without God.

God is neither a man nor a woman nor a thing.

God is no one’s father or mother or benefactor. These terms are used only to help us understand relationships – ours to God – not to establish a more human type of parentage. We use such terms as a matter of convenience or because it is comforting to do so. We call ourselves children of God because we do not know what else to call ourselves, and it seems as good a term as any to use. We are made in the image of God, not in the sense of physical appearance, but with respect to the power of our souls and the potential of our minds. God is the Creator; we are co-creators. It would be more appropriate and more in line with Truth, if we called ourselves extensions of God or, perhaps, thoughts in the Mind of God. It would even be appropriate to use another name for God, like The Force, The One, The All, The Is-ness, The One Mind, The Source, or whatever conveys that sense of deity that is without limitation or boundary, beyond what can be comprehended.

While God is more than any name, protocol, hierarchy, concept, or grandiosity could describe or define; God truly is as near as our next breath – as close as our next thought. We are part of God and existent with God. A belief in separation, that we could possibly exist and have our being apart from God, is the only real sin. This belief is of our own making. God has not decreed separation; this we did ourselves by our own perception that somehow, some way, we could transcend That Which Cannot Be Transcended.

God is not dependent on our belief, for our belief or disbelief in God does not affect God – only us.

God is not a member of any church or religion. It is the churches and the religions that are members within the vastness and the glory that is God. There is no one religion just as there is no “chosen” people or person, nor any single way of regarding what cannot be fully comprehended. We are all “sons of God” in the sense that we are all souls of God’s creation, without gender, without form, without nationality, complete and whole and perfect as we explore the never-endingness of God’s wonderment. A spark from the essence of All God Is resides in each and every one of us has an unbreakable connection, that thread or cord that ensures we remain a part of That Which We Could Never Leave.

The splendorous joy of recognizing and acknowledging our special-ness, our greatness, as creations of God and as co-creators with God, is akin to being engulfed by overwhelming floodtides of God’s Glorious Love.

5. The Big Picture

There is no sense of “crime and punishment” in God’s Light, only the clear, complete, and total knowing that you are loved unconditionally and fully – right now and forever more.

Truth in this light, God’s Light, is so powerful and so piercing, there is no way you could lie, exaggerate, avoid, or deny what you have done with God’s gift to you, the gift of an embodied life in the Earth realm replete with abundant opportunities to learn and develop and grow – be the best that you can be. This gift, the Earth life God gives us, comes with a catch: We are to give the gift back.

We cannot keep the life we have on the Earth realm, not our possessions or attachments or relationships. What we can keep is our memories and our feelings of what we have integrated into our heart of hearts from the experience of being here, plus the love we have shared with others. This that we can keep enriches God’s experience of us as well as enriching our experience of ourselves and one another. How joyful this is depends on what we did about who we are.

Each gain or loss anyone makes affects everyone else to some degree. That’s because we are connected, somehow, as sparks from the Mind of God. Everything created either has a soul (independent power mass) or is capable of being ensouled (from out of the group power mass). Because human forms contain larger portions of a soul mass than many other types of form, they represent opportunities of greater diversity, challenge, and involvement. Yet even animals, minerals, plants, and planets, enfold degrees of ensoulment replete with intelligence, feeling, and volition. Density of structure or shape may seem to deny this, but the creative fire is ever-present, nonetheless.

All souls are holy in God’s Light, and all souls are loved.

And all souls have a purpose for their existence and a reason for being who or what they are.

Whatever form a soul empowers “fits” in creation’s story, for each soul has a job to do, a position to fill in the greater scheme of things.

And all souls evolve. Nothing stays as it is because nothing is static, regardless of how “otherwise” conditions may appear to be.

Evolution is not restricted to linear progression. It only seems so.

Thus, the drama of creation’s story is unbounded – neither limited by our perception of it, nor by our ability or lack of ability to comprehend it. This drama is as stupendous as it is terrifying, as awesome as it is wonderful, as miraculous as it is mysterious, as beautiful as it is the ultimate act of all-consuming love. To witness even a glimpse of such glory, to know the Real Truth of it, leaves a mark so deep and so profound you are forever uplifted and transformed.

You return from your NDE knowing we affect each other because we are all part of each other, and that we affect all parts of creation because all parts of creation interweave and interrelate with all other parts. Any sense of aloneness or separation dissolves in the Light of such knowing.

We each matter. And we are each challenged to “wake up” and realize that we matter. Once we so awaken, our task is to act accordingly.

To know is not enough. We must express that knowing. How we do that is up to us.

Although we are each connected to the other and to all others, we are individual in our choices, in the power of our will, and in the product or result or consequence of our ever having breathed a breath in the Earth realm. The responsibility we have for this totality of our being-ness is as freeing and exciting as it is humbling. And it represents high adventure.

The greatest fear we have in living out our Earth life is not what might happen to us, but what might be expected from us if we recognized who we are.

6. The Four Types of NDEs

P.M.H. Atwater has identified four distinctive types of NDEs. She discovered elements similar to those described by Moody and Ring but different patterning from what was billed as the classical version; each pattern type was accompanied by a subtle psychological profile suggestive of other forces that might be present. These four types have consistently held up throughout two decades of interviews, observations, and analysis regardless of a person’s age, education, gender, culture, or religion. In her book, Beyond the Light, P.M.H. Atwater used separate chapters to discuss each of the four types. Below is a shorter rendition of the scenario patterns.

a. Initial Experience (Sometimes referred to as the “nonexperience”)

Involves elements such as a loving nothingness, the living dark, a friendly voice, or a brief out-of-body episode. Usually experienced by those who seem to need the least amount of evidence for proof of survival, or who need the least amount of shakeup in their life at that point in time. Often, this becomes a “seed” experience or an introduction to other ways of perceiving and recognizing reality. Incident rate: 76% with child experiencers, 20% with adult experiencers.

b. Unpleasant or Hell-like Experience (Inner cleansing and self-confrontation)

Encounter with a threatening void or stark limbo or hellish purgatory, or scenes of a startling and unexpected indifference, even “hauntings” from one’s own past. Usually experienced by those who seem to have deeply suppressed or repressed guilt, fears, and angers and/or those who expect some kind of punishment or discomfort after death. Incident rate: 3% with child experiencers, 15% with adult experiencers.

c. Pleasant or Heaven-like Experience (Reassurance and self-validation)

Heaven-like scenarios of loving family reunions with those who have died previously, reassuring religious figures or light beings, validation that life counts, affirmative and inspiring dialogue. Usually experienced by those who most need to know how loved they are and how important life is and how every effort has a purpose in the overall scheme of things. Incident rate: 19% with child experiencers, 47% with adult experiencers.

d. Transcendent Experience (Expansive revelations, alternate realities)

Exposure to otherworldly dimensions and scenes beyond the individual’s frame of reference; sometimes includes revelations of greater truths. Seldom personal in content. Usually experienced by those who are ready for a mind-stretching challenge and/or individuals who are more apt to utilize (to whatever degree) the truths that are revealed to them. Incident rate: 2% with child experiencers, 18% with adult experiencers.

Note: P.M.H. Atwater has noticed that all four types can occur at the same time during an NDE, can exist in varying combinations, or can spread out across a series of episodes for a particular individual. Generally speaking, however, each represents a distinctive type of experience occurring but once to a given person.

Categories
Experiences Group

Steven Ridenhour and His Girlfriend’s Group NDE

The following information about group NDEs comes from P.M.H. Atwater’s books “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Near-Death Experiences” page 163-165 and “Beyond The Light” pages 60-63. Atwater writes:

“Another variant on death by degrees concerns shared experiences between experiencers. These incidents challenge the overall significance of any need factor a sole individual might have, and threaten the underpinning of any scientific argument that body processes explain near-death states.” (P.M.H. Atwater)

Table of Contents

  1. When Two or More People Die Together
  2. Atwater’s Otherworldly Insights From Group NDEs
  3. Steven Ridenhour and His Girlfriend’s Group NDE

1. When Two or More People Die Together

From time to time you hear about a couple who both die — in a car accident, for example — and have a near-death episode in which they see one another, and one says to the other, “I must stay, but you need to return.” And, indeed, only one comes back. I’ve encountered this with married couples and with parent/child duos. Since only one lives, it, impossible to verify the full account. All you can deal with is the single survivor and his or her response to the event and the ensuing aftereffects.

I have encountered other people, though, who reported scenarios that appeared so similar it’s as if they were shared. This oddity happened in two ways:

(1) They were either all at the same location within the same time span, or (2) They were miles and years apart.

In my own case, two of my “deaths” happened in January of 1977, the other in March. I have since met a dozen other people whose experiences were to much akin to my first and last one, it’s as if we each lived through exactly the same thing. Later, I met 51 other individuals who also had three near-death episodes in 1977, with before and after conditions similar to mine — even though we “died” in different months and experienced different scenarios.

2. Atwater’s Otherworldly Insights From Group NDEs

Occasionally in research you run across cases of multiple deaths and multiple miracles, where, somehow, all of those who were dead revive. I have noticed a fascinating peculiarity in those I have investigated, and that is if one of the people involved reports having had a near-death episode, they all will — even if the multiple parties have yet to speak with each other or divulge what happened to them with anyone else. Once they do get together and compare accounts, they are shocked to discover they each experienced a near-death state and how similar each one is to the other (although precise details may vary).

3. Steven Ridenhour and His Girlfriend’s Group NDE

It happened one bright sunshiny day in the summer of 1973. Steven B. Ridenhour of Charlottesville, Virginia, and his girlfriend, Debbie, decided to go to the rapids at the “bullhole,” part of the river that flows behind an old cotton mill in Cooleemee, North Carolina. Both had been smoking pot and were bored. Their decision to run the knee-high rapids meant that they had to start at the beginning of the rock incline, on down about 20 feet, and start skiing barefooted until they reached the moss beds. The sport could have been great fun, but not on this trip.

“We smoked another joint and then headed toward the rapids. Debbie begins laughing, and the next thing I know we’re overtaken by laughter. The giggling stops as we’re swept off our feet and dragged downriver.

“Debbie cries out, ‘Steven I can’t swim. I’m drowning.’

“I feel powerless because I can’t get to her and I’m yelling, ‘Hang on, don’t panic,’ when I take a tremendous mouthful of water. Without any warning, time, as I know it, stops.

“The water has a golden glow and I find myself just floating as without gravity, feeling very warm and comfortable. I’m floating in a vertical position with my arms outstretched and my head laying on my left shoulder. I feel totally at peace and full of serenity in this timeless space.

“Next I go through a past-life review. It was like looking at a very fast slide show of my past life, and I do mean fast, like seconds. I don’t quite understand the significance of all the events that were shown to me, but I’m sure there is some importance.

“When this ended, it was as if I was floating very high up and looking down at a funeral. Suddenly I realized that I was looking at myself in a casket. I saw myself dressed in a black tux with a white shirt and a red rose on my left lapel. Standing around me were my immediate family and significant friends.

“Then, as if some powerful force wrapped around me, I was thrust out of the water, gasping for air. There was Debbie within arm’s reach. I grabbed her by the back of her hair and I was able to get us both over to the rocks and out of the water.

“After lying on the rocks for a while, I glance over at Debbie and it’s like looking at a ghost. As she describes what she went through, it became apparent that we both had the same experience underwater – the golden glow, the serenity, seeing our lives flash before us, floating over a funeral, and seeing ourselves in a casket. That is the only time we ever talked about it. I haven’t seen or talked with Debbie since.”

For the next eleven years, Ridenhour tried practically every drug in the universe in an attempt to recapture the euphoria of his near-death experience, but to no avail. All he found was loneliness, prisons, and a failed marriage. He entered a treatment center for drug and alcohol abuse in December 1984, and has been in various stages of recovery ever since. Finally, he was able to find a counselor who knew something about the phenomenon he had experienced and she put him in touch with a near-death researcher. He told his story, then quickly disappeared – unable to face the truth of what he had been through.

It wasn’t until 1993, after suppressing the aftereffects of his experience for a total of twenty years, that Ridenhour found himself flat on his back because of a work-related injury and with no choice but to surrender.

“My life started changing right then and I can’t stop it, so I’m opening up my heart and my soul to see where this takes me.”

Ridenhour is now in nurse’s training, determined to repay society for his previous mistakes and to help heal people.

His youth was wrapped around horrific incidents of child abuse and abandonment. He grew up thinking he was unlovable and bad. His near-death experience so challenged this distorted self-image that, although he wanted the euphoria back, he could not accept the rest of it. Confused and frightened by the incident, he flung himself into a seemingly endless nightmare of self-destruction.

“None of the drugs worked,” he confessed. “They couldn’t even come close to matching my near-death experience.”

Later he was stunned to learn that many of the problems he had afterward are in fact typical aftereffects of the phenomenon.

“I thought it was all me. I never made the connection between my experience and why I felt so lost. It took getting injured at work before I stopped trying to run away and just relaxed and let all that love and joy back, and the golden glow. I had no choice, really. I had to accept the truth that there is a power in me, and I can use it to help others.”

Drug and alcohol free, Ridenhour has helped to organize an IANDS chapter in the Washington, D.C., area, one of many dedicated to providing informational meetings for near-death survivors and the interested public.

According to NDE expert, Janice Holden, in her book “Near-Death Experiences While Drowning” — where she also documents this group NDE – Debbie and Steven were reunited many years later when they were both guests on a television show. In front of the cameras, Debbie confirmed Steven’s memories of the incident, including that their separate near-death episodes were virtually identical.

Categories
Experiences Pets

Susan’s Near-Death Experience

The following is Susan’s NDE testimony per email in her own words.

First of all, I come from a rural town in southeast Alabama. All my life I went to church. I would always see my parent’s praying about things and trusting God. Even with all this though, I never got that close to God. I believed in him and that Jesus came to Earth and died for me, but it wasn’t until 1993 that I totally gave my heart to him.

I had been suffering for years from anorexia. It started when I was fourteen. In 1993, at the age twenty-five, I was so sick and only weighed 64 pounds. I was in and out of therapy for this and even had to be force-fed. Nothing helped. So, after getting the news in September of 1993 that my kidney’s were failing, I refused all further treatment and prayed that God would help me. I told him that I’d live for him if he would. I didn’t really think I would die because I always pulled through before.

Going out in public, when I was able, was a nightmare. People would yell out, “AIDS girl” and things like that. Soon I became housebound, mostly due to my health, and because I couldn’t believe the cruelty of people. Then one night I woke up trying to breathe. I couldn’t. I was very nauseated, shaking violently, and just so sick I couldn’t move. I didn’t think I would die because the doctors were about to put me on dialysis and I thought I’d be ok. But I wasn’t.

Soon I left my body. I didn’t go through a tunnel. I just kind of floated around. Before I knew it, I was in heaven. I knew it was heaven because I had never smelled flowers like that before and had never seen so much beauty.

I went up to my Grandma who had been waiting for me. She looked to be about thirty-years-old even though she died when she was seventy-five. Then I saw my Grandpa. He died at the age of ninety-two.

He kept saying to me, “Look what I can do.”

He was walking on his hands. I didn’t understand this or why he was showing me that he could do that. Then Grandma asked me if I wanted to go and see Jesus. I literally screamed, “YES!!!”

The second I saw him I started to cry. I could feel his compassion for me. He comforted me as I told him how I had been done wronged by people on Earth because of my condition and how I had suffered with anorexia. He was so, so kind. He told me that he knew all of that and that it was going to be alright.

I asked him if he promised and he said, “Yes.”

I told him something that maybe I shouldn’t have. I said to him, “You are a very handsome man.”

He just laughed. Then I laughed. It was such a great time.

I noted his appearance. He was about 5’9 and probably weighed about 150 pounds. He was slim, with dark brown hair and brown eyes. There were so many people around him; but, (and this is what touches me so much) I was able to go right to him and talk to him. It’s not like it would be here. You can’t just go up to someone that important and talk to them. But with Jesus you can.

He then told me to go back and tell everyone what I had seen. I said I would. Then he hugged me. It felt like a million volts of electricity going through my body I found that from his hug, I couldn’t stand up because of the intense power I felt coming from him.

Then, I felt myself falling very, very fast. I was literally slammed back into my body on the bed. I was slammed so hard that I sat up, shocked. I was so disappointed that I was out of his presence and back where everyone was so cruel. And I was so sick. I could still feel the electrified feeling of his touch. But once again, I was very sick. Then I went to sleep.

The next morning when I woke up I felt hungry so I ate. For the first time in 11 years I ate a full meal, not having any of the anorexic feelings I always had from before.

The same day was my doctor’s appointment. When the doctor examined me and took some tests, he called a few days later wanting to see me. He told me that I had healthy kidney’s. I was in shock. He said, “You do not have kidney failure anymore.”

After this I only got better and better. The doctor still couldn’t explain it. Nobody could. But I know why. Jesus touched me, my soul body, and healed me. The doctor just said there was no medical reason for my kidneys to be normal. The next time he saw me I had gained about fifteen pounds. Now, nine years later, I went from weighing 64 to 135 pounds. I have never had any kidney problems nor any other kind of health problems that anorexia can cause. I am fine. I am healthy.

And I will NEVER forget seeing Jesus. Never. I can’t even think of him today without crying. I feel so special to have been touched by him and being able to talk to him and the fact that he had so much compassion for me. I have not encountered anything like that here.

Now to end this, I will tell you why my Grandpa was walking on his hands. My mother never believed me when I told her of my experience. I have only recently told her. I know Jesus said to tell everyone but it took nine years for me to say anything. I told my mother that I saw Grandpa and how he was thrilled to show me that he could walk on his hands. Her face went white. I asked her what was wrong. She said that when he was a teenager, he used to do that to impress people. She said he was very good at it and enjoyed showing off. But she said I must have heard about it from someone. I told her that I have never heard about it from anyone in the family. Many of them didn’t even know it when I questioned them later. My Grandma told my mother when she was a child and that is why she recalled it. Grandpa was very old when I was born and the older he got, the more trouble he had doing anything. I knew nothing about him when he was a child. Nobody ever told me anything about him. So she knows there’s no way I could know that. But she still doesn’t believe that I went to heaven, even though she can’t explain how I knew that Grandpa once could walk on his hands. He was very proud of this in heaven just as he was here.

I forgot to mention that I had seen all the pets I had as a child in heaven. Dogs and even parakeets whom I really loved. They had a caretaker – a man who took care of all the animals. So if anyone ever asks me if animals survive death, I have to say, “Yes!”

That is my story and even though I’ve sinned many times over since then, I know I’m forgiven when I ask to be. I live my life in such a way that if I were to die, heaven would be my home and I’ll be reunited with my family and with Jesus again.

I have told other people on the Internet about this, but they don’t believe in God and think I’m a nut. But I don’t care. I keep remembering that verse in the Bible that says to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. This is so true.

Categories
Exceptional Experiences

Reinee Pasarow’s Near-Death Experience

There is much to say about the Baha’i faith’s view of life after death. One particular experiencer was the late Reinee Pasarow (1950-2020). In May 1966, 16-year-old Reinee became unconscious following an allergic food reaction and had one of the most transcendental NDEs ever documented. Reinee recounted her wonderful NDE in a YouTube video which I highly recommend viewing. She also recounted her NDE testimony in her book entitled Answers from Heaven: The Near-Death Experiences of Reinee Pasarow. Her NDE is exceptional for many reasons. One reason is that she instantaneously traveled back into time to witness the entire evolution and history of the human race. She learned how humanity is currently at a turning point, that it must deal with all the obstacles to unity before a new era of universal peace will come. She saw the future of our planet as a world populated with beings of light. Reinee was interviewed repeatedly by the news media including major television networks. She exhibited the humanitarian aftereffects that many NDErs have. She was a successful business woman and founded or directed several charitable organizations and projects. Before her NDE, as a child, Reinee was very spiritual and became attracted to the Bahá’í faith. The following is Reinee Pasarow’s NDE testimony in her own words.

Table of Contents

  1. From Out-of-Body Experience To An Orb of Light
  2. A Unified Macroscopic and Microscopic View of the World
  3. Meeting Her Deceased Uncle at the End of the Tunnel
  4. Diving Into the Sea of the Light of Love
  5. Having a Life Review With the Being of Light
  6. Returning To the Physical World of Suffering and Death
  7. Reinee’s Verified Perception In the Emergency Room
  8. Humanity’s Future – From Catastrophe to Heaven on Earth
  9. Reinee Pasarow Links of Interest

1. From Out-of-Body Experience To An Orb of Light

I only became aware when I heard the very loud sound of the fire engines arriving. I heard my best friend from elementary school calling to me. She was calling, “Reinee, don’t die, don’t die Reinee.”

I heard this and it seemed as if it was in a foreign language to me. I finally computed the meaning of this and realized that my life was in danger. I had an obligation to fight for my life because of my mother and my friend, because she had such terror in her voice that it cut through to my heart.

I tried to fight for my life, but the battle became overwhelming. At this point I just surrendered myself, my soul, to the power that brings us all into existence and that gives us all life. I knew that this was the source of all life and the way of all things. I surrendered to that and I entered a state of peacefulness.

Then, just like that (clapping her hands), I became a ball of light or energy in the midst of this crowd that was circling a body. I became massively aware, unlike any awareness I had had during physical existence. I was not really aware of myself. I was aware of everyone around me. I was aware of my mother and my neighbors, and my friends and the firemen and what they were thinking and what they were feeling and what they were hoping and what they were praying. This was such a pummeling input of emotion and information that I was all at once overwhelmed and confused, and rather disoriented.

I followed their attention to something on the sidewalk and I looked at a body on the sidewalk. I looked at the curve of the wrist bone and I recognized it. I remember looking at it and thinking, “That looks so much like my wrist bone.”

And then I became aware that the thing on the sidewalk, that thing that suddenly became a piece of meat to me, was what I had identified as myself before, but had no connection with it other than that I had been with it for a very long time. But it had nothing to do with me because suddenly, I was more of a person than I had ever been before. I was more conscious than I could ever be. I was free of the limitations of being a physical being.

I looked at my body and I was repulsed with the grief and the tumult around it and with the very idea that I had ever considered something physical to be my reality, to be a human reality.

And with that (taps the table) again like this, I was bumped way up, up above some light wires. From that point I could watch everyone beneath me, but I was not as closely associated with them. I was completely feeling everything they were feeling.

I watched my mother and a boy come out of the house and up the hill which I could not have seen physically. I was very sad for my mother. I was very sad for my friend who kept calling me. And I was very sad for the child who had come out of the house. I was very sad that he would think I was dead. So my concern was for them. I spent my time observing them and calling to them – calling to them that everything was as it should be, that everything was fine, that I was free, that it was wonderful, that I loved them and that they loved me and that the bond, unlike physical bonds, would never be destroyed. I tried to communicate this to them over and over again and I realized that I had no mouth. I had no body. They could not hear what I was saying to them. I would have to leave them in the same hands I had left myself in the process of dying. With that I turned away, just sort of like a ball, just turned away.”

2. A Unified Macroscopic and Microscopic View of the World

My attention turned away lovingly but knowing that there was nothing I could do. I turned away from them and began to pull up. I became aware, as if I were a camera on a space ship or something, of our place – my particular little street and then my particular little town. I kept pulling up and up and up to a point where I could observe the whole Earth. This was wonderful!

The Earth was alive and the Earth was singing. It was singing a single song and in that song everyone had a voice. Every human being had a very important note to add to this precious song of the Earth. It was a song of love and every living being had something to add to the song of Earth. Every one of these essences was very much connected. I was seeing it not like we see normally. I was seeing it both from a macroscopic – from the point of view of the spaceship – and from a microscopic vantage point. Microscopic in that I could see an amoeba in the ocean was connected to the song of the heart of all humanity; and that this world was responding to the song in our hearts in a miraculous, unified, and beautiful way. I too began too sing. I was so overcome with joy. It wasn’t a song obviously with the mouth. I had no mouth. I had no body. I simply was. I became a part of that song and very full of joy that I could have something to contribute to this sacred beauty of our Earth and of all people.

I became very aware that we as people have a unique influence on the world even if we are not actively doing something. We influence this planet by our state of being. We influence this planet very positively if we are filled with love and respect for others or negatively if our hearts are negative.

3. Meeting Her Deceased Uncle at the End of the Tunnel

At this point I became aware that there was a light calling me from somewhere else and I entered what people speak of as the tunnel. I will speak of it as that although I did not quite perceive it as a tunnel. It was a transition place where I became aware of other beings who seemed to be rather disoriented, rather confused and lost and some of these beings were moving through to their home. I simply wanted to go home. I moved through this place and I became aware that I was not moving like we move physically. When we move physically we have an intent, we have a goal, and we move step by step to that goal. But what moved me through this place was love. It was the love of God and the love all things sacred and all things beautiful and all things just. I could go on and on and on but this was what propelled me on. It was my connection and my affection for God.

As I came to the end of this place, I wondered if I would be alone, and just like that I was with my uncle. It was like we were two lights that were put together – one red and one blue that made purple light. I was aware of things about him that I had never been aware of in life. I didn’t spend much time with him and I didn’t know him well. He lived in the south and I lived in California. But it was a very joyful reunion and I became aware that he was concerned that I was there because he communicated to me instantaneously that my mother could not stand the loss of a child. He was confused, yet he knew that everything was as it should be.

From that point I became very attracted to the light and this attraction was like an irresistible magnet. I loved that light. I loved what was pulling me home.

4. Diving Into the Sea of the Light of Love

I moved past my uncle into what I can best define as a sea of light. It was as if every atom in the universe had been electrified with color and light and sound, but more than that, with totally unconditional love. It was a welcoming to me. I dove into this ocean and with each moment, I felt more rapture and more joy and more just absolutely unspeakable love. As I moved through this sea, I became aware that I was moving to the center of the sea of light which I perceived, how can I say this, as a gnat flying into the sun. That is the perspective that I had for this sea of light.

Then in a instant, again like a clap, I entered into this light and I became one with this light. In this light, I was no longer an individual, no longer a person, but simply a part of this light. I became like the phoenix. I was destroyed. It was the most blissful, the most excruciatingly beautiful moment that I could imagine. It seemed to me to be the apex of all existence. It was the point where one was no more. One was simply a part of this light.

After being in this state for what seemed to be a time beyond time, I was gathered again together like sands from the shore as an individual and I was called to account for my deeds.

5. Having a Life Review With the Being of Light

Reinee then described an encounter with a “Being of Light” who showed her various elements of her past life and reviewed them with her. She talked in general terms about how little acts of kindness were far and away more important than the activities we usually give so much value to in normal life. She described how the most positive thing she did was to give special attention to a not so lovable boy at a summer camp so that he would know he was loved. During her life review, she said this act of kindness was more important from her viewpoint of expanded awareness than if she had been president of the United States or the queen of England. After her life review, Reinee wondered about the destiny of the human race. With that thought, she was shown the evolution and history of humanity as well as its probable future. (This will be discussed later in this article.) After this, the level of love Reinee was receiving from the Being of Light had reached its pinnacle and she found herself on the other side of the light. She could then sense, in a more physical manner, a Kingdom of Light filled with people whom she knew and loved dearly. They were waiting for her and welcoming her as in a homecoming. These people were very much involved with humanity on Earth from this Kingdom of Light. Reinee saw a man at the edge of this Kingdom holding out his hand and welcoming her home. She again became very rapturous at this and began to move toward him. But then the Light spoke and told her, “It is not time” which prevented her from moving further forward. She then found herself returning to the physical world.

6. Returning To the Physical World of Suffering and Death

I was catapulted back down what I perceived to be a tunnel. This time it was down a rainbow tunnel of light, sound and vibrational frequency of love. With a terribly hard crash, I became aware of the scene I had left earlier – the fire trucks, and now an ambulance. There were men who were picking up my body and loading it into the ambulance. I was in a state of complete grief. I felt that I had become Eve and was cast out of the Garden of Eden.

As I was descending down this tunnel, my heart was already attached to my home beyond. I was begging not to leave. I crashed down into this realm of existence and was suddenly confused by time and space. It was as if I had never existed physically. I was suddenly disoriented. My concern was for my mother, because she was by herself and she was losing a sixteen year old daughter. She knew that this was happening because the ambulance attendant looked at the driver in front and said, “DOA. DOA,” which means of course dead on arrival. The driver turned off the siren and slowed down the ambulance. Before, he had been driving in a very reckless manner.

We were coming out of the mountains. As we did that, my concern was for the pain of my mother. I simple wanted to comfort her and to wrap my soul around her. To assuage the loss of a daughter, the loss of a child, I found myself simply praying for her.

I followed the ambulance to the hospital and I watched as my body was unloaded. My mother followed the gurney into the emergency room. I watched as the first doctor went to work on me. I wasn’t particularly interested in the first doctor because the first doctor had, that day, been through motorcycle accidents coming out of the mountains. He had been through a very long day and he was not concerned with someone who had been brought in dead on arrival. He had no connection with me. He didn’t care and had no affection. So I had no interest in watching what he did because my interest was based on affection and love.

I then left the emergency room and was above my mother and some friends who had followed her into the other room. I again tried to communicate with them. I tried to let them know that, “This is a very joyous occasion. I am dead on arrival. Hopefully all would go well. They are never going to be able to revive me. I was going to be dead now. Death had become life to me. Death was not something to be frightened of, but something to look forward to.”

7. Reinee’s Verified Perception In the Emergency Room

What happened then was the first doctor pronounced me dead and was sending my body off to the morgue. My own personal physician, who was a country doctor and a very gruff man, stormed into the emergency room in a tuxedo with his black bag. He looked at the nurse on the phone who was calling the morgue, and looked at the doctor who was washing his hands, and looked at my covered body and said, “What the hell happened here? Where is the patient?”

They said, “She was dead on arrival.”

He said, “The hell she was.”

He proceeded to scream at the other nurse who was sort of standing off in the corner, “I want injections of adrenaline. Bring them to me immediately and come over here and assist me.”

He began to go to work on my body. He began to beat on the chest and began to shock. I was simply terrified by this turn of events and disgusted that they would treat a body so brutally.

All of a sudden I sort of became protective towards my body, even though I wanted nothing to do with it. I began to be protective. They could at least be nice about it. But they were beating on my chest and shocking my body, but I was up in the corner of the emergency room accompanied by other essences who were keeping me contained in that emergency room.

Reinee goes on to describe how she finally returned to her body as a result of her doctor’s last effort to revive her. When she was revived, she couldn’t understand or accept that she had returned to the physical world which was so horrible compared to the light and love she experienced in heaven. She cried about this and immediately began thinking about suicide. The next day, her doctor burst into Reinee’s hospital room swearing at her and asked her, “What the hell did you do to yourself?” In tears, Reinee angrily told her doctor that she was dead and that he had no right to bring her back. At this, her doctor was shocked and stood back to give her a long discerning look. He told her, “You were not dead because you’re not dead now.”

Reinee continued crying and told him about some of what she experienced while in heaven. But this only made her doctor became concerned about her mental state and had a psychiatrist come and talk to her. When the psychiatrist came to visit Reinee, the psychiatrist sat down and told Reinee she was not leaving until Reinee convinced her she was not crazy for not wanting to live. Reinee explained to her there were no words to describe what she had experienced. But then it occurred to Reinee that her doctor would probably have her committed to a psych ward unless she could convince the psychiatrist she wasn’t crazy. So she told the psychiatrist about her NDE and about heaven and love she experienced. However, the psychiatrist wanted to know details about what she claimed transpired in the emergency room. So Reinee told her everything that happened there. The psychiatrist then said to Reinee she was going to investigate to see if what Reinee had told her was true.

About two or three hours later, the psychiatrist returned. Reinee noticed how the psychiatrist appeared to be “white as a sheet.” The psychiatrist looked at her and told her she was right: she was dead. Everything Reinee explained to her about what happened in the E.R. did indeed occur. There was a blond nurse. There was a dark-haired nurse about forty-years old. There was a young doctor who was exhausted from treating people involved in a motorcycle accident. There was no cardiologist on duty. And her doctor did want to inject adrenaline directly into her heart but decided not to. The psychiatrist told Reinee, “You’re right. You’re not crazy.”

Reinee then asked her if there was anything she could do to help her. Her psychiatrist replied that psychiatry had nothing to offer to help her and she recommended that Reinee see her clergy about it. Reinee replied that she just couldn’t do that. The psychiatrist then advised that Reinee never talk about her experience again to anyone – even to those people she knows.

8. Humanity’s Future – From Catastrophe to Heaven on Earth

After her life review, Reinee wondered about the destiny of the human race; and with that thought, she was shown the evolution and history of humanity as well as its probable future.

She felt the brutish and self-centered level of existence of the Neanderthals, to the conniving politicality of the Romans who thought they were all powerful, and the great surge of hope surrounding the scientific revolution of the Renaissance. She saw that humanity is now on the precipice of the greatest choice and greatest step of our development and evolution that has ever occurred in human history. Every individual must make the choice to establish unity, peace and harmony.

Reinee was also shown catastrophic Earth changes which were the result of human conflict on this planet suggesting the Earth and everything in it is a single giant organism. She described these Earth changes as follows:

“Simultaneously with this wonderful process there was great chaos and destruction going on in the world. There was a great breakdown in all of our institutions and systems: governmental, educational, religious, intellectual and scientific. The breakdown was such that society was reduced to bands of people acting like wolves who were filled with hatred, selfishness and darkness.”

Reinee also saw there was a small group of people who were identified as “The Just” who were striving to bring about a new civilization and a new creation of peace and bring about the great spiritual development humanity needs at this time. These people were not powerful or wealthy and were not involved in tremendous institutions. They were young and struggling. And in the process of their struggling, they were trying to bring about this spiritual development and a new civilization during the time of these Earth changes:

“There was a great sense of polarization of the people along racial and religious lines. It came to the point where every religion was fighting every other religion except for the religion of ‘The Just.'”

Reinee was also shown “the seat” of the “Universal House of Justice” which had not yet been built. She saw this building exactly as it was built later and was shown its location. She saw this magnificent building in a land she recognized as “old yet new” on the coast of the Mediterranean sea. Reinee later discovered a distinguished Jewish author named Theodor Herzl who in 1902 wrote a novel about Israel called “The Old New Land.” In the 1980’s, Reinee traveled there and saw the building on the Mediterranean coast built on Mount Carmel, in Israel, on the Mediterranean coast exactly as she saw in her vision. The white marble building in Israel on Mount Carmel is called the “Universal House of Justice.” According to Reinee, The Just are receiving teachings and guidance there that is the hope for humanity.

Reinee explains why these Earth changes will take place:

“The vision of the future I received during my near death experience was one of tremendous upheaval in the world as a result of our general ignorance of ‘true’ reality. I was informed that humanity was breaking the laws of the universe, and as a result of this would suffer. This suffering was not due to the vengeance of an indignant God, but rather like the pain one might suffer as a result of arrogantly defying the law of gravity. It was to be an inevitable educational cleansing of the Earth that would creep up upon its inhabitants, who would try to hide blindly in the institutions of law, science, and religion. Humanity, I was told, was being consumed by the cancers of arrogance, materialism, racism, chauvinism, and separatist thinking. I saw sense turning to nonsense, and calamity, in the end, turning to providence.”

Reinee saw that these Earth changes would ultimately lead to the establishment of God’s Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. She states:

“At the end of this general period of transition, humanity was to be ‘born anew,’ with a new sense of his place in the universe. The birth process, however, as in all the kingdoms, was exquisitely painful. Humanity would emerge humbled yet educated, peaceful, and, at last, unified.”

Since her NDE, Reinee has never been the same again. The events she participated in there and the things she saw and sensed have all been reported by other NDErs — something she did not know at the time and would learn only in her adult reading.

“Every particle of my being had been shaken. Every belief, every value and every goal had to be re-evaluated after my luminous journey. The near-death experience was for me a great liberation – a rebirth – and its effects still can be felt in my daily life. Most of all, as a result of the experience, never again could I fear death. Never again could I look upon life as being anything less than a divine gift that transcends the limits of this physical realm.”

After her NDE, Reinee insisted that her mother allow her to become a Bahá’í. Up until this time, her mother (a Christian) forbid her to be a Bahá’í. Reinee’s request to become a Bahá’í met her mother’s approval. Later, Reinee’s mother also became a Bahá’í.

According to Reinee, the identity of “The Just” were those of the Bahá’í faith. “Bahá’í” means “follower of Baha”, “follower of the light,” “follower of the glory of justice.” Baha’u’llah taught frequently of justice.

Reinee says the purpose of the Bahá’í revelation is to establish unity. Every manifestation from God comes for a purpose to fulfill and teach humanity for spiritual development. The essence of all revelations from God to humanity is love. The theme of the Bahá’í revelation is justice. The Just were working towards the unity of mankind instead of focusing on the divisions like many countries and religions do. She described seeing groups of individuals that she “knew as well as her own parents” who were living and working in other non-physical worlds.

The Bahá’ís’ view of life after death corresponds with NDE testimonies. This world is really a transitory phase – like a period of gestation. The challenge for us is to make spiritual choices in a physical life. Death is really a messenger of joy for human beings to enter into the light. Love is the secret of God’s holy dispensation, the manifestation of the “All Merciful”, the fountain of all spiritual outpourings. Love is heaven’s kindly light. The Holy Spirit’s eternal breath vivifies the human soul. Love is the cause of God’s revelation to man – the vital bond inherent in accordance with the divine creation in the reality of things. Love is the one means that ensures true felicity (i.e., intense happiness) both in this world and in the next. Love is the light that guides in the darkness. Love is the living link that unites God with man to ensure the progress of every illuminated soul. Love is the most great law that rules mighty in heaven – the unique power that binds together the diverse elements of this material world – the supreme magnetic force that directed the movements of the spheres in the celestial realms. Love reveals with unfailing and limitless power the mysteries latent in the universe. Love is the spirit of life unto the adoring spirit of mankind – the establisher of true civilization in the mortal world and the shedder of imperishable glory upon every high aiming race and nation.

9. Reinee Pasarow Links of Interest

NDEs and the Future Research Conclusions page – www.near-death.com

Reinee Pasarow’s Near-Death Vision Audio File (ZIP file, 25 MB). Right-click on the link and “Save As”. This is a one hour talk by Reinee with one hour of questions and answers – www.bahaitext.info

Nina Lembcke Harvey: An NDE by a Bahá’í (1 hour podcast, MP3) – www.bahaipodcast.com

Rick Bradshaw: An NDE by a Bahá’í (YouTube video, 3.5 minutes) – www.youtube.com

Death and Dying in the Bahá’í Faith – by Moshe Sharon (Jewish convert to Baha’i) – www.bahai-library.com

Life After Death According to Bahá’u’lláh – reference.bahai.org

Categories
Experiences Suicide

Will I Go To Hell If I Kill Myself?

Someone once emailed me this question: “I am depressed and want to kill myself. Will I have to go to hell or reincarnate if I do?” My short answer to this question is that every action has many possible karmic implications resulting from that action. I believe the main factor related to this kind of question is: what is your motive for killing yourself? In this case, the motive is depression. Having suffered from bipolar disorder and extreme suicidal impulses all my life, I am aware of medications which can immediately treat these symptoms. Is the person facing a hopeless terminal illness and tremendous physical and financial devastation? Then I would say gaining control of your end-of-life situation to spare you and your family of unnecessary suffering might be worth looking into. There are certainly more factors to consider which should be evaluated on a personal and individual basis rather than on a general basis. The obvious reason suicide is regarded as having horrible karmic consequences is because of the tremendous grief inflicted upon surviving loved ones resulting from the suicide. On the other hand, sacrificing your life so that others will not suffer has much positive karma. Good examples of this type of suicide include Jesus volunteering to sacrifice his life on the cross to further his message or a soldier falling on a grenade to save his friends.

Table of Contents

  1. The Possible Injustice of Suicide
  2. An Individual’s Right To Life and Death
  3. Questions and Answers About the Right To Die

1. The Possible Injustice of Suicide

Some people commit suicide out of hatred and anger in order to inflict pain and suffering on others. Such actions do have serious negative karma associated with them. The person committing the suicide will probably find themselves in a hellish condition in the afterlife. As the saying goes: hellish life, hellish afterlife. In such cases the person has created a hellish condition within themselves and within others by their act. At death, the suicidal person merely “steps into” this hellish spiritual condition they created during life.

All too often, people kill themselves without thinking how it will affect others. For example, my sister’s father-in-law was bipolar and in a serious depression when he killed himself with a gun blast to his chest. My sister was one of the persons who found him. The bloody horror she discovered inflicted great psychological harm to her which still affects her to this day decades years later. I once saw a documentary about a crime scene clean-up business where they dealt with the aftermath of suicides. It is often not a pretty sight to say the least. From my experience, the consequence of suicide causing the most damage occurs to the person who finds the body – especially if they are a loved one. The horrible “fallout” from such suicides need not happen if the person who wants to end their life (for justifiable reasons that is) first thinks very carefully of the consequences of doing so and prepares an end-of-life plan to create an outcome that does not traumatize people. The problem with this is that people who commit suicide often do it on impulse or, because of a severe mental illness, are too impaired or too desperate to think straight enough to create a successful plan.

2. An Individual’s Right To Life and Death

It is not illegal to commit suicide; but it is illegal to actively help a person do so. For those people who are suffering from a terminal illness or advanced old age and who want to spare themselves and their family from tremendous pain and suffering, there is a right-to-die organization called the Compassion and Choices which has educational resources for people to plan and carry out their wishes. In states where voluntary physician-assisted suicide is illegal (i.e., every state but Oregon) they promote a method of suicide (which they call “self-deliverance”) that is painless and humane. Their method involves using over-the-counter sleeping pills and a plastic bag. Although it may sound bizarre, this method is not only painless and humane, it is 100% effective if one follows the instructions properly. The result does not create a horrible mess for someone to be traumatized over for the rest of their life. It is not a crime to be with someone who kills themself as long as they are not caught actively helping the person do it. Having a friend or family member present can also discreetly ensure the process is carried out successfully. Compassion and Choices also offers the service of having someone present to observe the process. Currently, right-to-die organizations advocate voluntary suicide only for people facing a hopeless and incurable terminal illness or advanced old age where extreme suffering is involved; but not for people with severe mental illnesses. As a person with bipolar disorder who has a psychiatrist that informed me how my condition may get worse and out of control as I grow older, I disagree with such discrimination against people with mental illness by the right-to-die organizations. However, I also understand how very controversial the whole right-to-die movement is politically and how providing help for the mentally ill conjures up “Nazi euthanasia” – especially among religious conservatives.

From some reports of near-death experiences I have read concerning the future, humanity will eventually be able to live long lives and die whenever they desire. This suggests to me that medical breakthroughs to help reverse the aging process may someday become available. It might even be possible that death by natural causes will someday be eradicated as polio was. If this type of utopia does occur someday – one where people have absolutely control over their life and death – I suppose then people will need a method to end their lives when they desire such as voluntary physical-assisted suicide.

It is Compassion and Choices’ mission to have voluntary physician-assisted suicide legally be available to people facing a terminal situation. In such cases, a physician can prescribe the necessary dose of a barbiturate (usually Nembutal or Seconal) that causes the person to fall asleep and die. This is what is called “death with dignity.” It is the same dignity society gives even to suffering pets when their owners have them euthanized. Of course, although pets are not euthanized voluntarily, many animals in the animal kingdom do voluntarily kill themselves under certain natural conditions. Self-destructive behavior is widely reported in nature for some animals under conditions of acute stress-isolation, overcrowding, confinement, or alteration in habitat. Such behavior has been observed in zoo animals including a variety of primate species. You can read more about studies on animal suicide in this article entitled Animal Models of Self-Destructive Behavior and Suicide (Crawley JN, Sutton ME, Pickar D. Psychological Clinics of North America 8:299-310, 1985). Such research proves conclusively how suicide is a natural act evident in nature.

If you believe you qualify for making end-of-life decisions (i.e., have a hopeless terminal illness) and you would like to die with dignity, you can become a member of Compassion and Choices online from their website. After you have been a member for several months, they will allow you to have access to their published information including the suggested end-of-life method.

3. Questions and Answers About the Right To Die

The following are some questions on this topic and my answers to them:

Question: “The long explanation of a method for committing suicide leads me to believe you may belong to this organization for other reasons than helping the terminally ill achieve a peaceful death.”

Kevin Williams: “There are several reason I decided many years ago to post on the NDE mailing list the right-to-die organization’s suggested method for ending one’s life. My primary motive for doing this was to help anyone who was thinking about ending their lives get information on how best to do it. I have since learned this is considered unethical because it might provide an incentive for someone who is thinking about ending their life to do so without thinking about other options such as seeking help from a physician and receiving treatment. However, anyone who wants to end their life strong enough will do so anyway without the method suggested by right-to-die organizations. However, not knowing the ‘time honored and tested’ method to ending your life can result in absolute disaster and make your situation much worse. I also wanted people to become aware of right-to-die issues and to generate discussion about them such as we are having now.

Question: “Some time ago, I heard that you were very depressed and had suicidal thoughts.”

Kevin Williams: “Yes, you are right. I have bipolar disorder which ‘runs in my family.’ Along with this illness, suicide also ‘runs in my family’ as well. I have had severe episodes of depression resulting in long stays in psych wards. Such incidents not only caused me much suffering, it also caused my family a tremendous amount of pain as well. I want to be sure I have as many options to me as possible for the future. My psychiatrist informed me my illness will probably get worse as I get older and shock treatments may be the only effective treatment. This is what happened to my grandmother who had bipolar disorder and lived into her 90’s with severe regular depressions and shock treatments with frequent stays in mental institutions. She eventually developed dementia – a horrible illness for those who go through the last stages of it. Judging from her experience, I have concluded I never want to live so long to develop dementia and put myself and my family through such pain. Ironically, just knowing the suggested method for ending my life has given me more confidence about facing the end and has given me a feeling of having more control over my life and death. This has resulted in my having more hope in facing end-of-life choices which has given me more incentive NOT to end my life.

“I lived and took care of my grandmother for seven years before we sadly had to put her in a nursing home against her wishes. Her life in a nursing home was horrific. Anyone who has ever visited a nursing home can testify how some of them are nothing short of a warehouse for tormented old people. Many of these people, if in their proper state of mind, would probably rather be dead. I know this was the case with my grandmother. People with dementia are slowly reduced to losing their minds, memories and personalities, becoming permanently bedridden and mumbling incoherently. I was horrified as I watched my beloved grandmother go through this process.

“My grandmother lived in the nursing home for over a year before she died. Her death was not a pleasant one either. The bipolar disorder that tormented her all her life became worse with the dementia. She told me many times she wished she was dead. Ironically, she was a devout Christian all her life, taught Sunday School to children for over 30 years and led Sunday services for seniors at nursing homes as an adult. It seems to me the last years of her life of torture was incredibly unjust. In my mind, no amount of karma justified the torture she went through – especially because I suspect this injustice originated from the inhumane laws of society preventing people from voluntarily having the right to die with dignity. Even my grandfather (who I was also taking care of) – a devout Christian all his life – lost some of his faith in divine justice and the laws of society which prevents people from having the right to live and die as they choose to. As a postscript, when the time came for my grandfather to go into a nursing home, he absolutely loved it. However, he didn’t suffer from a severe mental illness, thank God! He especially loved all the attention from the nurses.

“The last years of my grandmother’s life was a living hell for us all – but mostly for her. Taking care of her also contributed to my developing a major depression which resulted in losing my high-paying job and spending time in the psych ward. And her unimaginable suffering was absolutely unnecessary in my view. My grandmother’s father, also a manic depressive, shot and killed himself in front of her when she was in her teens. All her life she was well aware of what mental illness and suicide can do to people and families.

“To this day I believe voluntarily helping her end her life would have been justifiably merciful. Throughout her time in the nursing home, we would pray God would take her away from it all. I even asked her physician if he could prescribe something to end it for her – something right-to-die organizations suggest doing. He replied to me in a holier than thou attitude, ‘We don’t do that kind of thing in this country.’ To many physicians, death is the enemy. Death means defeat. To many of them (especially those with a ‘God complex‘) death is to be avoided no matter what the cost. And I mean this literally. I read a recent study how 40% of all hospital costs go to extending the lives of people in their final years. In the olden days, death was something to be glorified as a “graduation” partly due to religious influences. Death was well understood by most people because most people died at home surrounded by family and friends. Sex was the taboo subject – not death. In today’s society it has completely reversed. Sex is no longer a taboo subject – but death is.”

Question: “Tell me more about this right-to-die organization.”

Kevin Williams: “I initially joined the right-to-die organization because of my own mental illness to have control over my life and death. The years I spent watching my grandmother suffer needlessly in old age made me even more convinced that such people should be allowed to have the option of ending their lives if they choose to do so. I know my grandmother would have chosen death over dementia and the nursing home because she was a Christian and knew death meant being in heaven. I have vowed to never lose control of my life and death as my grandmother had. I also want to have this option available should I ever be diagnosed with a hopeless terminal illness. I see no advantage in living to an advanced age when life becomes a living hell for you and/or your family.

“Although I don’t believe depression, in of itself, is a justifiable reason for ending one’s life, I do believe there are some people who are hopelessly suffering from a mental illness and who should be allowed to end their life if they choose to. I have also observed people in psych wards with much worse mental problems than mine (such as schizophrenia) who have tried to end their life. Because of this, they are kept in institutions for very long periods of time – some for the rest of their lives. Mental institutions are filled with schizophrenics who are hopelessly unable to get relief from medical treatment.

“Should I ever have a valid reason to take control of my life by ending it, I will do so without any reservations. I have already informed my entire family of the possibility that someday I may decide to end my life. Right-to-die organizations recommend doing this many times because it prepares loved ones well beforehand so it would not come as no surprise (or horror) if it happened. I keep my loved ones informed of right-to-die issues when I can. Some members of my family are strongly opposed to this because of their religious affiliation and their right-to-life beliefs. Some people might conclude that by ending my life when I chose to do so, I will be throwing away an opportunity to pay some karmic debt of mine or may be giving up an opportunity to help others spiritually because of my diminished capacity. To this I say: I know of better ways to pay karmic debts which do not involve this kind of suffering on my or my loved ones’ part. Because I am not perfect yet (i.e., I cannot walk on water or raise the dead), I know I will eventually have to reincarnate anyway like most people until I am perfect. I can choose to pay such karmic debts some lifetime in the future. We have this power as sons and daughters of God.”

Question: “I wonder if there are not degrees to which suicide is justifiable in this world and in the afterlife. For example, if someone does it to avoid the pain of a terminal illness – or to end depression – or even to prevent themselves from having to spend a lengthy term in prison. Does the right-to-die organizations look at these moral/ethical issues or does it focus more on technique?”

Kevin Williams: “Right-to-die organizations do not advocate voluntary physician-assisted suicide for just any reason. Their foremost mission is to change current laws to allow only people who want to die as a result of a hopeless terminal illness or advanced old age to have the right to have a physician prescribe the proper medicine to end their life. Ending one’s life with medicine such as Nembutal or Seconal is far more preferable than over-the-counter sleeping pills and a plastic bag. As the current law exists today (except in the State of Oregon where physicians do prescribe Nembutal and Seconal) all other methods for people to end their lives fall short of physician-assisted suicide. If someone wants to end their life strong enough, they will use whatever method have available – even if it is a very bad method such as hanging or shooting oneself. Currently, right-to-die organizations will provide educational material to anyone who joins; but they will not provide any other services such as having another member witness the process. Only people who meet their criteria are allowed that service. But it is the goal of right-to-die organizations to never have people use their method of over-the-counter sleeping pills and a plastic bag anymore. Voluntary physician-assisted suicide is preferred. Despite what some people claim, right-to-die organizations do not advocate involuntary ‘euthanasia,’ involuntary ‘mercy killing,’ or any other ‘Nazi euthanasia’ programs.

“I also don’t believe there is a ‘one size fits all’ karmic consequence for people who end their lives. Everyone’s particular situation, physical condition and spirituality is unique. The notion that everyone who kills themselves goes to hell is about as absurd as believing only those who pledge allegiance to Jesus’ name go to heaven. While right-to-die organizations do not officially sanction physician-assisted suicide for the mentally ill, there are a large number of members who believe it should. Again, I believe the organization must take this position mostly for political rather than ethical reasons. Currently, right-to-die organizations are the only advocate for people who are facing a hopelessly terminal situation and want to end it before their situation gets worse.”

Question: “Many people have lived lives of horrible suffering and hellish conditions. Why should people facing a terminal situation have special rights? Shouldn’t this fact make all suicide unjustified and forbidden? I didn’t realize there are some suicides which might be justified and should be made legal.”

Kevin Williams: “It is the duty of society in general to help people overcome adversity and suffering. Anyone who has visited parts of Mexico, for example, can find poor children begging for food and in need of medical attention. It should be the duty of the Mexican government, religious organizations and aid-workers to help these people. In the same way, it is the duty of society in general to help anyone suffering – whether it is to feed and cloth the poor or to help those with terminal illness who have chosen to end their life. Unfortunately, society in general is mostly ignorant about end-of-life issues (until it ‘hits them in the face’) and are not in favor of physician-assisted suicide for those who need it. Ironically, this ignorant position is mostly held by religious organizations whose duty is to help those who suffer. As I mentioned before, a strong case can be made that Jesus himself chose “suicide by cop” to further his message.[1] [2] [3] Right-to-die organizations only seek legalization for people who have absolutely no hope in an end-of-life situation and want a way out. Some people have many other options to ease their suffering. Others have no choice but to live out the rest of their life in hopeless and unnecessary suffering. Many physicians today already help people in their final stage of their terminal illness with pain by giving them a massive dose of morphine called ‘snowing.’ The primary purpose is to ease pain but it also has the secondary benefit of hastening death. This is what happened to my father when he was dying of an infection related to lymphoma. The morphine kept him in a coma to the very end and certainly hastened his death which is what everyone wanted.”

Question: “Some accounts of near-death experiences describe people being told that it is not their right to decide when their life is to be over. This is a right that should only God’s.”

Kevin Williams: “Yes, I have read some of these reports. In fact, a great number of experiencers are told, “It is not your time yet to die” or some variation of this. On the face of it, it does appear that our days are numbered by God and the time of our deaths are predestined by God. However, this is not how I interpret it. First of all, many people are given a choice to stay in the afterlife or return to life. I believe there are very few things in life that are predetermined and the time of our death is not always one of them. I believe people are told, ‘It is not your time to die yet’ because their mission in life is not complete. It would be safe to assume that people facing a hopeless terminal illness have probably finished their mission. Even if you believe otherwise, should a person kill themself, they would probably be told in the afterlife their mission is not finished and they are returned. But because so many suicides by terminal people are successful, it could be safely assumed that indeed their missions were finished. But again, applying a ‘one size fits all’ answer to this question is probably not right.”

Question: “Has there ever been an NDE where they were told suicide was OK?”

Kevin Williams: “There are many reports of NDEs involving suicide that are heavenly and where no condemnation is given. Nevertheless, many successful suicides result in horror, grief, confusion, and shame by family and friends. This situation can occur if the suicide act was not planned and carried out correctly according to recommendations by the right-to-die organizations or if it was committed for less than justifiable reasons. Suicides resulting from NDEs obviously are rejected because they were told to return. Also, this does not necessarily mean all such NDEs are hellish as Angie Fenimore’s NDE was. Suicides resulting in irreversible death probably mean the suicide’s mission was completed. It may also mean their suicide was planned even before they were born. In other words, part of their mission may have included death by suicide. After all, Christian scriptures state clearly how Jesus himself was on a “suicide mission” from the day he was born. He also voluntarily submitted himself to death even though he could have prevented it. It is also true that suicide experiencers are sometimes told that suicide is not the answer. However, I don’t interpret this as applying to everyone. Even the Bible states:

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2)

“This certainly is true according to a large percentage of NDEs where they are told, ‘It is not your time to die yet’ or ‘your mission is not complete’ etc. So, I believe the time for us to die is not entirely in our hands. This suggests to me that if a person successfully commits suicide, then it was indeed their time to die. Otherwise, it will only end up as an NDE.

Many NDEs from suicide have been documented which are very positive. Here are some links:

a. Eileen’s positive suicide NDE
b. Helen’s positive suicide NDE
c. Dr. Kenneth Ring’s NDE suicide research and Dr. Peter Fenwick’s NDE suicide research
d. According to P.M.H. Atwater:

“Seldom are suicide near-death scenarios hell-like. Contrary to popular notions, most suicide NDEs are positive, or at least illustrative of the importance of life and its living. Although I have yet to find a suicide experience that was in any way transcendent or in-depth, just to have something happen, anything that affirms that he or she is loved and special, seems miracle enough for the one involved. Near-death survivors from suicide attempts can and often do return with the same sense of mission that any other experiencer of the phenomenon reports.” (P.M.H. Atwater)

f. From the International Association for Near-Death Studies website:

“Although it may be tempting to conclude that people who attempt suicide are being punished for trying to induce their own deaths, we must avoid this temptation, as the following paragraph will explain.

“People who are in a distressed frame of mind at the time of their near-death episode and those who were raised to expect distress during death may be more prone to distressing NDEs. People who attempt suicide are almost always in a distressed frame of mind. Usually they are attempting suicide because they feel themselves to be in unendurable and unending emotional or physical pain. In addition, they are almost certainly aware of the widely held belief that suicide is cowardly and/or the wrong way to escape the pain of life. Although they hope for relief from their pain, they may also consciously or unconsciously fear punishment. In a heightened state of pain, as well as of fear and/or guilt, they are highly distressed and, consequently, may be somewhat more prone to having an NDE.

“However, the facts remain that the overall majority of distressing NDEs did not occur in the context of attempted suicide, Many pleasurable NDEs were the result of attempted suicide, and many people who were in a distressed frame of mind and/or who expected judgment and punishment during death had a pleasurable NDE.”

g. According to “Recollections of Death” by Dr. Michael Sabom, p. 51, the following NDE resulted from a suicide attempt:

“I arrived at some place where all my relatives had gathered: my grandmother, my grandfather, my father, my uncle who had recently committed suicide. They all came to me and greeted me…”

This NDE describes an uncle who committed suicide who was not in a hellish state.

h. From Dr. Kenneth Ring‘s book “Heading Toward Omega” (page 44-45):

“In ‘Life At Death‘ I compared the NDEs of three categories of people who differed chiefly in the circumstances that had brought them close to death: illness victims, accident victims, and suicide attempters. On the basis of my own findings, I then proposed what I called the invariance hypothesis to indicate how situations such as how one nearly dies affect the NDE. What the invariance hypothesis states is that there are no relationship: However one nearly dies, the NDE, if it occurs, is much the same.

“Research published since ‘Life At Death’ has tended to lend strong support to the invariance hypothesis. We now have cases on file of almost every mode of near-death circumstance that you can imagine: combat situations, attempted rape and murder, electrocution, near-drownings, hangings, etc., as well as a great range of strictly medical conditions – and none of these seems to influence the form and content of the NDE itself. Rather it appears that whatever the condition that brings a person close to death may be, once the NDE begins to unfold it is essentially invariant and has the form I have earlier indicated.

“Subsequent research on suicide-related NDEs by Stephen Franklin and myself and by Bruce Greyson has also confirmed my earlier tentative findings that NDEs following suicide attempts, however induced, conform to the classic prototype.

“In summary, so far at least, situations covering a wide range of near-death conditions appear to have a negligible effect on the experience.”

Question: “Were the people who jumped out of the New York City Twin Towers when the terrorists attacked justified for doing so?”

Kevin Williams: “I believe they were justified. They were doomed and faced a horrible death if they decided to remain in the Towers. It reminds me of the Jewish people at Masada who heroically took their own lives instead of being captured by the Romans.

“The lesson to be learned here is probably this: Don’t commit suicide unless there is absolutely no hope at all and your mission is not complete. If you don’t meet this criteria, your suicide may only result in an NDE which means your mission is not completed. If a person is in the process of dying because of a terminal illness, it can be safely assumed their mission is complete. If a person finds themself in combat and falls on a grenade to save the lives of others, we can probably assume their mission is complete as well. If you are a 91 years old invalid facing senility or a terminal illness, you can probably safely assume your mission is complete.

“As a side note, the rebuttal that nursing home caregivers are receiving good karma from people who may owe them a karmic debt, doesn’t hold water to me. There will always be a great number of needy people who can generate karmic goodness for toward caregivers.

“If a person is killed while defending their children from being raped and murdered, for example, we can probably assume their sacrifice for their children is good karma and their mission is probably complete. If a person is terminal and ending their life will spare their loved ones a tremendous amount of needless suffering and financial ruin, we can probably assume their mission is complete. Animals such as beached whales, lemmings, ants, bees and a number of other critters including insects chose to end their lives under certain conditions which suggests suicide in many cases is simply a part of the natural order. If a person commits suicide before their mission is completed, it may only result in an NDE.

“People often get killed while doing risky things that often appear to ‘fly in the face of God’ such as mountain climbing, sky diving, hang gliding, etc. These people put their lives in their own hands when doing such things. Aren’t accidents involving these type of sports a form of suicide? I believe so. Where is the line drawn? It would be difficult for me to believe that people who die while sky diving have not fulfilled their mission. Reports of NDEs reveal there are no accidents and there is a reason for everything. This is not to say everything is predestined. Life is filled with risks which have the ability to end our lives. Just breathing the air in some cities is enough to cause our deaths. Isn’t this a type of suicide? I believe it is. Isn’t even the act of being born, knowing it will result in death, itself a form of suicide? I think so. What about my fast food habit? Even this would have to be considered a type of suicide. Where is the line drawn?”

Question: “I just can’t assume there is any reason for someone to kill themselves.”

Kevin Williams: “You are certainly entitled to have this opinion. The problem exists when people other than the person facing such end-of-life decisions (usually a faceless bureaucrat) decides to deny others the right to control their own life and death. There are many well-intentioned people who actively seek to deprive others from having a good death — see the case of Terry Schiavo. As mentioned earlier, such people often belong to religious right-to-life anti-abortion organizations. They constantly fight right-to-die organizations and seek to overturn laws passed by people who want right-to-die laws in place. I am referring to the State of Oregon where a majority of the voting people (with major help right-to-die organizations) passed a right-to-die law. But it took one unelected politician, Attorney General Ashcroft, who decided to go against the will of the people in Oregon by attempting to overthrow their law. Fortunately, Ashcroft’s edict was overturned by the Supreme Court.

“Right-to-die organizations want to educate the general public into changing laws which prevent heroic physicians such as Jack Kevorkian from going to prison for helping the terminally ill.”

Question: “So, when life gets difficult for some, they should be legally allowed to end it?”

Kevin Williams: “Everyone’s life is difficult for various degrees. I don’t know of anyone who is not facing difficulties in one form or another. It’s just that some people are facing much more difficulties than others. Many near-death experiencers become so disappointed of having to return they often fall into a depression. In fact, one study revealed 4% of all near-death experiencers commit suicide because of this disappointment. The most difficult cases whom right-to-die organizations support for voluntary physician-assisted suicide are the hopelessly terminally ill and the very elderly.

“I have never had an NDE, but after reading thousands of beautiful NDE testimonials, I have concluded that if I were to have a massive heart attack – for example – I do not want to be resuscitated. Several decades ago, a women by the name of Nancy Cruzan was thrown from her car during an automobile accident. It took about 13 minutes before the EMTs came and resuscitated her. Unfortunately, she never regained consciousness and was in a ‘persistent vegetative state.’ Her family knew Nancy’s wishes were not to be hooked up to a machine to be artificially kept alive. And it was only after a painful seven-year court fight that her parents were allowed to legally remove the feeding tubes allowing her to die. This event was the ‘spark’ which led many people to join the right-to-die movement.

“For people who do not want to be hooked up to a machine for the rest of their lives and want to refuse resuscitation, there are ways to prevent such things from happening. Most states allow people to have a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order in their living wills. Such DNR order mean that if you are in a supermarket, for example, and your heart stops beating, you will not be resuscitated. But this will only happen if you have a DNR order easily identified by medics. The problem with DNR orders is medics do not look for them when trying to resuscitate people. Fortunately, eleven states (including Colorado and California) permit DNR identification on jewelry obtained through the non-profit MedicAlert Foundation in California. Once a person has a placed a DNR order in their living will, they can join MedicAlert for a small fee. Then you mail them the last sheet of your DNR order. They will then inform you about your choice of necklace or bracelet which clearly states your wishes to “Do Not Resuscitate.” In some states, this jewelry and/or official papers are the ONLY methods honored by emergency medics. If such a notification is not present, you WILL be resuscitated. DNR orders can be obtained by any physician and are available upon demand.

“A tremendous number of NDE testimonies I come across involve the near-death experiencer becoming extremely upset of their being resuscitated and begin brought back to life by physicians. Such cases are another example where some ‘faceless second-party’ person in power decides when someone else must live and die.

“In conclusion, there are no easy answers to such end-of-life questions. Each person should follow their own heart. What I have explained in this article is my own personal opinion. You can take it or leave it.”

Categories
Experiences Suicide

Various Near-Death Experience Research on Suicide

The following are the comments and near-death experiences of others who attempted suicide and are profiled on other web pages on this website. I wanted to create this page to consolidate all the experiences caused by a suicide attempt. You will find these experiencers to be heavenly (like most are) and a relatively few experiences that are less-than-positive. These experiences are more proof that suicide NDEs are mostly no different than other near-death experiences.

Table of Contents

  1. Helen’s Suicide Near-Death Experience
  2. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ Suicide Near-Death Research
  3. Lisa’s Suicide Near-Death Experience
  4. Edgar Cayce’s Suicide Dream Interpretation
  5. George Anderson’s Psychic Revelations About Suicide
  6. Nora Spurgin’s Suicide Near-Death Research
  7. Betty Bethards’ NDE Revelations on Suicide
  8. Sylvia Browne’s NDE Revelations on Suicide
  9. Margaret Tweddell’s Psychic Revelations on Suicide

1. Helen’s Suicide Near-Death Experience

In Jean Ritchie’s excellent book entitled Death’s Door, she has documented the suicide attempts and subsequent near-death experiences of a woman named Helen. Her near-death experiences demolish the myths held by many religious people that suicide and homosexuality are one-way tickets to hell. Although today Helen is very comfortable with the fact that she is a lesbian, coping with it has not always been easy. By the time she was seventeen, she was drinking heavily and experimenting with drugs. Over the years, her problems greatly escalated which led her to decide to take her own life. After writing suicide notes and taking an overdose of pills and drink, Helen was rushed to a hospital in very serious condition. Her heart stopped four times, she learned later from the medical staff. The following is her experience.

I remember clearly floating up above myself, and looking down on my body. It was connected to numerous machines. I could see the drip and the oxygen mask. I could see the doctors working to restart my heart with electronic pads. I could see that my parents were there. It felt very peaceful, much better than where I had been before. I was bathed in warmth and light, and the calm was almost tangible. I felt it was up to me to decide where I wanted to be, up there or back in my body, but the peace was so overwhelming that I knew I wanted to stay.

And then I was in a small supermarket, floating between the aisles. It was like any ordinary supermarket, with shelves loaded with goods. My grandmother, who died when I was very young, was at the checkout, and so was my auntie. I knew without anyone telling me that it was my auntie, my mum’s sister, although she had died of a brain hemorrhage before I was born. They were beckoning to me to go to them, but through the plate-glass window I could see my parents and my immediate family, also beckoning and urging me to hurry.

[The next thing Helen remembers is waking from her coma with the oxygen mask pressing on her face and causing some pain. She felt regret at having left the peace behind. Helen’s second near-death experience came a couple of years after the first, after another suicide attempt. This time she took pills and tried to swallow bleach. Her partner found her and called an ambulance.]

I was drifting in and out of consciousness, more out than in, but I remember being wheeled from the flat on a stretcher. Again, I floated above and could look down and see two men carrying the stretcher, and I felt secure and safe in the knowledge that I was walking away from all the chaos of my life. Again, I felt it was my decision to walk away. Then I remember a very powerful force pulling me towards a serene, very beautiful realm, a higher realm. I traveled very slowly along a tunnel toward a bright light, and I could feel an overwhelming sense of warmth and peace and whiteness. I wanted to walk into the whiteness, which was so tranquil and happy. It was like stepping into a vacuum, there was nothing tangible, no scenery to look at, but a tremendous feeling of being somewhere, like nirvana. I felt okay, as though this was where I was meant to be, as if I had arrived home, and I was at ease with myself for the first time in a long time.

I also felt at one with the forces of the universe, as though I was part of something much much bigger, and yet I was also the whole of it. It was a tremendously powerful feeling, and such a contrast to the despair and depression that had led me there.

[This second time Helen did not see any relatives, and although she experienced the same sense of there being an element of choice in whether or not she returned to life or continued in that lovely place, she did not feel any panic when she awoke in the hospital a few days later.]

I knew I had not wanted to relinquish the good feelings the place had given me, but at the same time I did not feel regret at returning. This time, the experience seemed to give me strength. I felt refreshed.

[Helen was told by hospital staff that she was lucky to have survived. Her two near-death experiences have taken away any fear she may have had of death, and she now anticipates that when it comes she will once again experience those feelings of peace and tranquility. She does not believe that her near-death experiences encouraged her to make more suicide attempts: suicide, she says, is born of despair with this world, not a hankering after the peace and serenity of the next. Eventually, Helen was able to beat her alcohol and drug addiction. She is back with her partner, studying for a master’s degree and doing volunteer work.]

2. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ Suicide Near-Death Research

My most dramatic and unforgettable case of “ask and you will be given,” and also of a near-death experience, was a man who was in the process of being picked up by his entire family for a Memorial Day weekend drive to visit some relatives out of town. While driving in the family van to pick him up, his parents-in-law with his wife and eight children were hit by a gasoline tanker. The gasoline poured over the car and burned his entire family to death. After being told what happened, this man remained in a state of total shock and numbness for several weeks. He stopped working and was unable to communicate. To make a long story short, he became a total bum, drinking half-a-gallon of whiskey a day, trying heroin and other drugs to numb his pain. He was unable to hold a job for any length of time and ended up literally in the gutter.

It was during one of my hectic traveling tours, having just finished the second lecture in a day on life after death, that a hospice group in Santa Barbara asked me to give yet another lecture. After my preliminary statements, I became aware that I am very tired of repeating the same stories over and over again. And I quietly said to myself:

“Oh God, why don’t you send me somebody from the audience who has had a near-death experience and is willing to share it with the audience so I can take a break? They will have a first-hand experience instead of hearing my old stories over and over again.”

At that very moment the organizer of the group gave me a little slip of paper with an urgent message on it. It was a message from a man from the Bowery who begged to share his near-death experience with me. I took a little break and sent a messenger to his bowery hotel. A few moments later, after a speedy cab ride, the man appeared in the audience. Instead of being a bum as he had described himself, he was a rather well dressed, very sophisticated man. He went up on the stage and without having a need to evaluate him, I encouraged him to tell the audience what he needed to share.

He told how he had been looking forward to the weekend family reunion, how his entire family had piled into a family van and were on the way to pick him up when this tragic accident occurred which burned his entire family to death. He shared the shock and the numbness, the utter disbelief of suddenly being a single man, of having had children and suddenly becoming childless, of living without a single close relative. He told of his total inability to come to grips with it. He shared how he changed from a money-earning, decent, middle-class husband and father to a total bum, drunk every day from morning to night, using every conceivable drug and trying to commit suicide in every conceivable way, yet never able to succeed. His last recollection was that after two years of literally bumming around, he was lying on a dirt road at the edge of a forest, drunk and stoned as he called it, trying desperately to be reunited with his family. Not wanting to live, not even having the energy to move out of the road when he saw a big truck coming toward him and running over him.

It was at this moment that he watched himself in the street, critically injured, while he observed the whole scene of the accident from a few feet above. It was at this moment that his family appeared in front of him, in a glow of light with an incredible sense of love. They had happy smiles on their faces, and simply made him aware of their presence, not communicating in any verbal way but in the form of thought transference, sharing with him the joy and happiness of their present existence.

This man was not able to tell us how long this reunion lasted. He was so awed by his family’s health, their beauty, their radiance and their total acceptance of this present situation, by their unconditional love. He made a vow not to touch them, not to join them, but to re-enter his physical body so that he could share with the world what he had experienced. It would be a form of redemption for his two years of trying to throw his physical life away. It was after this vow that he watched the truck driver carry his totally injured body into the car. He saw an ambulance speeding to the scene of the accident, he was taken to the hospital’s emergency room and he finally re-entered his physical body, tore off the straps that were tied around him and literally walked out of the emergency room. He never had delirium tremens or any aftereffects from the heavy abuse of drugs and alcohol. He felt healed and whole, and made a commitment that he would not die until he had the opportunity of sharing the existence of life after death with as many people as would be willing to listen. It was after reading a newspaper article about my appearance in Santa Barbara that he sent a message to the auditorium. By allowing him to share with my audience he was able to keep the promise he made at the time of his short, temporary, yet happy reunion with his entire family.

We do not know what happened to this man since then, but I will never forget the glow in his eyes, the joy and deep gratitude he experienced, that he was led to a place where, without doubt and questioning, he was allowed to stand up on the stage and share with a group of hundreds of hospice workers the total knowledge and awareness that our physical body is only the shell that encloses our immortal self.

3. Lisa’s Suicide Near-Death Experience

Lisa had a near-death experience several years ago. After months of depression and physical pain from systemic lupus, one day she took too many painkillers. Her twin sister found her in the morning in a seizure, half-flopped off of her bed. By the time she called 911, she had fallen on the floor and was in a full convulsive state, curling up my hands in a fetal position. Here is what she experienced in her own words:

“There was no tunnel or light. I awoke standing upright in the back of what looked like a large auditorium-type place, without the chairs. The wall were gold and had jewels embedded in them. I was far in the back at first and couldn’t figure out where I was. There were horns playing loud classical-type music and it was a very formal-type ceremony. There were dancers with beautifully colored flags dancing in a supernatural sort of way. I felt my presence coming in closer, but I didn’t feel legs moving underneath me.

“There was a long, wide aisle with 10-15 men seated on each side of the aisle. They were across the aisle from each other, facing each other. They had on robes and gold crowns, like they were kings or judges. The seats were tall, gold chairs and at the end of the aisle was an empty chair. My presence came in very close and then to the left side came a man in a long, white, toga-type robe. He had short brown hair and on his head was a wreath of holly leaves woven together with baby’s breath. He smiled and approached me with his right hand extended.

“He took my hand gently and said, ‘Hi, Lisa. I’m Peter, welcome to the festival.’

“With that, he opened a large door and I entered a large place that was mostly white space. There were large white cloth-covered tables with beautiful, succulent fruit and a large fountain of red wine. There were just a few people there, and they were dressed in normal clothing of today.

“Just then I flashed into a complete space of whiteness, but it was not disconcerting like a haze of fog would be. I was seated on the right leg of a very large, strong presence with huge, loving arms around me.

“A man’s low voice said in my right ear, ‘Lisa, they’re working on your body, you have to hurry. Do you want to go back? Your son needs you.’

“I remember feeling confused like I was not aware of what I had left behind.

“I didn’t say anything and then the voice said louder, directly in my ear, ‘Lisa, you have to hurry, they’re working on your body. Do you want to go back?’

“And even louder he added, ‘Ryan needs you.’

“He put great stress on my son’s name. I immediately realized I had left my 9-year-old son behind and then I woke up in the ambulance.

“They later told me that I said, ‘I wanted to be in Paradise with Jesus.’

“That’s my experience. I’d love to hear your comments. I’ve not read anything like this before. It was like a movie, almost sounds cliché, I know.”

4. Edgar Cayce’s Suicide Dream Interpretation

Many people came to Edgar Cayce to have their dreams interpreted. An example was the dream of a young man about his father-in-law, who had recently taken his own life.

In the dream a voice commented, “He is the most uncomfortable fellow in the world,” and then the dreamer was shown his own baby crying for food.

The image was to convey the dead man’s hunger for guidance and spiritual sustenance, said Cayce. The next night the dreamer heard the man’s own voice, together with “a wandering impression of restlessness.”

The voice said, “I seek rest. I want to leave and be with my family down there.”

Again Cayce said the dream contact had been authentic, showing the dreamer how much his prayers were needed for the father-in-law, who was still an earthbound discarnate. He added that the reason the discarnate was turning towards people in earthly life was that “the lessons are learned from that realm, see?”

It was a point Cayce often made, that souls who had once entered the Earth had to learn their final lessons in the Earth, where will is called into play in a fashion different from existence on other realms.

5. George Anderson’s Psychic Revelations About Suicide Question: Will a suicide progress?

George Anderson: “They can progress. This is why it’s so important that people, no matter what your religious belief or persuasion, even if you’re an atheist, remember to pray for those who have passed on. Because that embraces them in love and encourages them to progress. The problem that the suicide faces in the next dimension is that, when you arrive in the next level, it’s not the pretty sight that the average passing can be. Their problem is that they cannot forgive themselves.

“When someone comes through in a reading and is starting to make me feel as if they’ve taken their own life …You feel like you’re in the presence of a ghost. There’s a chilling feeling. And it’s very important that those coming through acknowledge what they’ve done.

“It’s like getting up and saying, ‘I’m an alcoholic.’

“Coming forward and saying, ‘I have taken my own life.’

“A friend of mine who had recently taken his life came through and did not know how to go into the light I kept telling him to go forward to the light, but he was afraid of judgment. He couldn’t forgive himself. Also, he was having a problem with the fact that after he had taken his own life, his spirit obviously lingered around the scene of the act. He could not overcome the memory of his father’s discovering him, and that was haunting him emotionally to a tremendous degree in the next dimension. What he and many of us don’t understand is that there is judgment there, but it is not done by God on a throne. Judgment rests basically with yourself. And we all know that the greatest enemy we can face is ourselves.

“It can take eons of time as we understand it before they go into the light. It depends on the person. You’re in control. You hold the reins. Those who’ve come through those darker levels have said that they’ve had to face themselves and realize that if they don’t shape up, in other words, learn more about themselves, they’re not getting anywhere.”

6. Nora Spurgin’s Suicide Near-Death Research

Question: What happens to one who commits suicide?

Nora Spurgin: “The death of the physical body is determined by natural law, which is governed by divine law. To take one’s physical life is to break that law, with the result that there must be special care and arrangements made in the spiritual world. In other words, breaking natural law must be accounted for before one can go to higher levels.

“According to some sources, because the person’s life was cut short and her work on Earth incomplete, it will be necessary to live out this uncompleted time in spirit aiding the very ones on Earth who were most hurt by the suicide.

“Since the motivation for suicide is usually to avoid unhappiness, we can assume that the spirit takes such unhappiness into the spiritual world. Any problems experienced on Earth are always better worked out on Earth.”

7. Betty Bethards’ NDE Revelations on Suicide

“Catholics understand purgatory as a place or level of consciousness one goes for further understanding. It is an intermediary state that gives one the opportunity to develop further clarity. At first it is like being in fog, just as many people walk around on the Earth realm in a fog. They don’t have the clarity to understand how they are setting their lives.

“If there has been much negativity during an incarnation, or a suicide, one must spend some time contemplating what has happened.

“It is a holding place where souls who are confused, who do not want to let go of their earthly attachments, or who choose not to grow will remain until such time as they allow themselves to be released to flow once more into the light.

“Purgatory is a place of your own making. We see souls who are punishing themselves here on the Earth realm. This continues after death just the same as it would if they were still in the physical body. Many people must suffer in order to feel worth. When they finally learn this is a negative number they are running, they can move on.”

8. Sylvia Browne’s NDE Revelations on Suicide

According to Sylvia Browne, upon death, most people go through a heavenly process before entering into heaven. Evil people, instead of experiencing the tunnel and bright light upon death, are sent through what Sylvia calls the “Left Door” and enter into an abyss of empty, joyless, nothingness for a brief period of time.

After they have reflected upon their actions, they are reincarnated back to Earth.

People who commit suicide for less than justifiable reasons are sent to a place Sylvia calls the “Holding Place.”

Here they must make a choice to either proceed through the Left Door or embrace God and move on to the light.

People in the Holding Place shuffle slowly around in despair in a gray fog with their heads down until they make their decision. According to Sylvia this is purgatory.

9. Margaret Tweddell’s Psychic Revelations on Suicide

“Persons who commit suicide before the time they are meant to die find themselves in a state of heavier vibration and closer to the Earth than those of us who died natural deaths. They remain in this state of density until the time when they would have normally died. They then may pass into the planes of finer vibration. People who have experienced death through suicide are greatly helped by the prayers and supportive thoughts from those still on Earth. They are also aided by those from the higher planes who are dedicated to help them grow spiritually during the period of waiting.”

Categories
Experiences Suicide

The Three Classifications of Suicide Near-Death Experiences

While there exists documented reports of very beautiful near-death experiences resulting from attempted suicide, there also exists hellish reports. This suggests the act of suicide itself is not a factor in determining whether a person has a beautiful NDE or a hellish NDE. However, it is possible for a hellish spiritual condition already existing within a person to be carried over and continued after death. Many suicides are committed by people who are already experiencing a hell on Earth for one reason or another. In this respect, death does not remove a pre-existing hellish spiritual condition unless this condition was caused by the brain. Many people who commit suicide are mentally ill. Because mental illness is a physical disorder of the brain, the mental illness ends with brain death and does not continue after death. This is true because NDEs have been reported by blind people who have regained their sight during their NDE. Other handicaps have reportedly been removed from experiencers upon their death. Religious leaders sometimes tell people that suicide is an unforgivable sin leading to eternal damnation in hell. This is not what the NDE reveals. NDEs do describe life as being an inescapable learning experience. Suicide prevents this learning experience from being completed. Experiencers describe hell as being a temporary spiritual condition rather than a permanent place of torture.

Table of Contents

  1. George Ritchie’s Three Classifications of Suicide
  2. George Ritchie’s NDE Involving a Suicide
  3. Kevin Williams’ Analysis of NDEs Involving Suicide
  4. An Analysis of Sandra Rogers’ Suicide NDE
  5. An Analysis of Angie Fenimore’s Suicide NDE

1. George Ritchie’s Three Classifications of Suicide

Dr. George Ritchie, author of Return From Tomorrow and My Life After Dying, learned during his near-death experience what happens to some people who commit suicide. According to Ritchie, the quality of life a person initially finds after suicide is influenced by their motive for committing it. He classifies suicide in the following three ways:

Three Classifications of Suicide

(1) The first classification are those people who kill themselves in order to hurt someone, get revenge, or who kill themselves out of anger for someone else. They arrive in the earthbound realm out of hatred, jealousy, resentment, bitterness and total distain for themselves and others. Ritchie writes, “I want to make clear that it was impressed upon me that these were the ones who had the same type of powerful emotions which people who committed murder have” (p.25). Ritchie says such people mistakenly believe they are not committing murder which their religious training tells them is a worse sin than suicide. Their motive for killing themselves is, “If I can’t kill you, I will kill myself to get even with you.” According to Ritchie, such people temporarily “haunt” the living by being aware of every horrible consequence their suicide had on others until they are ready to let go and enter into the light.

(2) The second classification includes those who, because of mental illness, confusion, or a terminal illness, take their own life. Ritchie states these people are allowed many opportunities from God to grow in love just as any other person would who had not committed suicide. In other words, there are no negative consequences for them.

(3) The third classification includes those who kill themselves from drug, alcohol, or any other addiction. According to Ritchie, these people can become stuck in limbo trying in vain to satisfy their addiction until eventually something frees them. This condition is also called an “earthbound” condition which is also temporary.

Concerning souls belonging to the first classification, Ritchie writes:

“I understood from what I was seeing that these people and the average murderer also are confined in a state where they are given a chance to realize two very important facts. One, you can only kill the body, not the soul. Two, that only love, not hate, can bring them and others true happiness. I believe once they fully understand this, they are given the opportunity to continue their spiritual and mental growth.”

2. George Ritchie’s NDE Involving a Suicide

Dr. George Ritchie described in his book Return From Tomorrow what Jesus revealed to him during his near-death experience concerning what happens to some people who commit suicide for less than justifiable reasons. In the following excerpt, Jesus is giving George Ritchie a “tour” of one particular afterlife realm known as the “earthbound” realm which is located in the same place as the living. However, earthbound spirits are unseen and unheard by living people except by those who are psychic or mediums. Earthbound spirits temporarily “haunt” the living or particular places they once lived and are what is commonly referred to as “ghosts“.

In one house a younger man followed an older one from room to room. “I’m sorry, Pa!” he kept saying. “I didn’t know what it would do to Mama! I didn’t understand.”

But though I could hear him clearly, it was obvious that the man he was speaking to could not. The old man was carrying a tray into a room where an elderly woman sat in bed. “I’m sorry, Pa,” the young man said again. “I’m sorry, Mama.” Endlessly, over and over, to ears that could not hear.

In bafflement I turned to the Brightness (Jesus) beside me. But though I felt His compassion flow like a torrent into the room before us, no understanding lighted my mind.

Several times we paused before similar scenes. A boy trailing a teenaged girl through the corridors of a school. “I’m sorry, Nancy!” A middle-aged woman begging a gray-haired man to forgive her.

“What are they so sorry for, Jesus?” I pleaded. “Why do they keep talking to people who can’t hear them?”

Then from the light beside me came the thought, “They are suicides, chained to every consequence of their act.”

The idea stunned me, yet I knew it came from Him, not me, for I saw no more scenes like these, as though the truth He was teaching had been learned.

3. Kevin Williams’ Analysis of NDEs Involving Suicide

NDEs reveal there is no condemnation from God for our actions. The problem many suicides face after death is difficulty in forgiving themselves for the horror they have put family and friends through by taking their own life. One remedy for helping a suicide cope with this predicament comes from the Tibetan Book of the Dead, an ancient Buddhist book of the afterlife. The Book of the Dead is one of the oldest books on Earth documenting NDEs. In my view, this source should be given great respect. The Book of the Dead mentions people who succeeded in committing suicide and who became imprisoned in the experience of their suicide. Accordingly, they can be freed from this condition through the prayers of the living and by them imagining streams of light pouring on them. Such actions free the person from the pain and confusion of their suicide. The Book of the Dead also mentions how people have no choice but to follow any negative karma resulting from their suicide.

NDEs report people choosing their own destiny in life before they are born. While this is true, it is also be true that we change this destiny by committing suicide. It is also assumed that nobody is predestined to commit suicide. NDEs reveal a perfect universal plan being worked out by God. Perhaps this perfect plan is not thwarted by suicide. I believe there is no reason to believe it is. But if a person cuts short their destined time for life because they have problems coping with life’s demands, their problems may not necessarily go away. Their problems may also be complicated by the added burden of their knowing the full horrible consequences of their action on others.

People who are thinking of killing themselves can learn a great deal from NDEs. Some NDEs suggest how committing suicide may be the worse thing anyone can do because it is rejecting God’s gift of life which destroys an opportunity for spiritual advancement. Not only that, as we have seen, some experiencers have observed the souls of those who committed suicide existing in an earthbound condition of temporarily being slaves to every consequence of their act of suicide. Such souls have been observed temporarily hounding and hovering around living family members and friends trying in vain to seek forgiveness. Some of them have been observed existing in a grayish fog and shuffling around slowly with their heads down. Perhaps these earthbound souls become freed from this condition when their natural destined time for death occurs. Nevertheless, this condition is only temporary. Some experiencers have also observed such souls being helped in the afterlife by spirit guides around them.

4. An Analysis of Sandra Rogers’ Suicide NDE

Sandra Rogers’ NDE is a good example of what can happen when a person unjustifiably cuts short their life. After she attempted to commit suicide, she was given only two choices by the Being of Light. One choice involved being revived and living out the rest of her days. This was the choice she chose. The other choice involved remaining in the light with the condition of having to reincarnate at a future time to re-experience everything that led her to commit suicide in the first place. Sandra’s NDE demonstrates that people must overcome their problems in this life or else face them again in a future life. In Sandra’s case, committing suicide did not solve anything. If we delay dealing with these problems by committing suicide, we may only compound them. It has been said that the greatest enemy we face is self. Our problems may never go away unless we conquer them. NDEs reveal people carrying their non-physical problems with them after death. Perhaps one of the reasons we are born into this world is to overcome such problems. If we don’t overcome them, we may have to reincarnate until we do.

5. An Analysis of Angie Fenimore’s Suicide NDE

Another interesting NDE resulting from a suicide attempt was that of Angie Fenimore. After committing suicide, Angie found herself in a hellish realm of psychic disconnection and torment. The anguish she experienced within herself in life had manifested itself in the spirit after death. A Being of Light, whom she identified as God, asked her, “Is this what you really want?”

Angie realized none of the other suicides in this hellish condition were aware of God’s presence. God told Angie, “Don’t you know that this is the worst thing you could have done?”

She realized then she had thrown in the towel and because of it, she had cut herself off from God and from God’s guidance. She felt trapped. She told God, “But my life is so hard.”

God’s reply was, “You think that was hard? It is nothing compared to what awaits you if you take your life. Life’s supposed to be hard. You can’t skip over parts. We have all done it. You must earn what you receive.”

Angie’s NDE gives us a unique insight into unjustifiable suicide. It suggests that one of life’s purposes is to grow toward perfection through suffering — even as Christ did. It validates the truthfulness of the phase, “No pain. No gain.” It is God’s “tough love” in action.

This principle is also found in the Bible where it describes how suffering creates character, wisdom, perseverance and strengthening of faith. NDEs reveal the fact that everyone has a destiny to fulfill and a “mission” to complete. Part of this destiny may include suffering for the purpose of learning and growing. It probably also includes learning from past-life mistakes, paying back karmic debts and receiving karmic rewards. The fact that experiencers are often told their time for death has not yet come, suggests our time of death is predetermined. Suicide can possibly prevent a person’s mission from being fulfilled. Sandra Rogers’ NDE suggests the remedy for this is reincarnation.

Many people commit suicide due to a mental illness. One of life’s lessons may be to learn how to cope with depression and overcome it. An overwhelming desire to commit suicide is one of the biggest indicators of clinical depression. There are many medications available on the market that can reverse clinical depression. If a person is thinking of committing suicide because of depression, seeking medical help may be one of the smartest decisions of their life. Nevertheless, NDEs such as Dr. George Ritchie indicate mentally ill people who commit suicide are given the same opportunities after death as those who do not.

Categories
Experiences Suicide

Steve’s Suicide Near-Death Experience

The following is Steve’s suicide NDE testimony sent to me by email in his own words.

This is an account of my own near-death experience which I am currently working on a book. Perhaps you may find some use for my experience. I wish to share it with the world. Thanks, Steve

As if everything in the preceding chapter wasn’t enough, also due to this unexpected turn of events, for a period of time that in my best estimate was approximately fifteen minutes I had traveled on the most incredible journey. I crossed over the threshold into the realm of the next life. And, in that time I once again became reacquainted with profound knowledge gained through an occurrence known as a near-death experience, or an NDE.

Once back in this physical world there was an abrupt, inexplicable, and almost frightening change inside of me. My experience seemed to have opened up a whole new dimension within my mind leaving an indelible imprint of a completely different view and interpretation of life. This physical world in which we live and nearly everything in it was, oh so different, than before the incident. What was once alien to me had now become familiar and what was once familiar had become alien. But as wonderful as all that may sound, it still presented yet another distressing problem that would cause even more confusion in the coming months. It isn’t everyday that a person undergoes a single experience that abruptly changes a multitude of things in his or her life. And because of this abrupt change everything that I had learned to believe in or thought about life in terms of both physical and spiritual dimension had instantly been thrown into disarray. Now I think that just about everyone would agree, particularly those in the psych industry, that efficiently sorting through information and then processing it properly and effectively toward building an understanding requires a reasonably sound, healthy mind. A department that, because of serious injury, I was clearly at a deficit. Subsequently, in an unyielding effort to build that understanding it was some three years of laboring to get well before I could begin sorting through and piecing it all together. All the same, my journey was the ultimate excursion of a lifetime as I eventually came to realize.

To have actually crossed over the thin fine line that separates us from this reality and then return was an enlightening experience. Limitations in our human language have made it difficult for me to articulate certain aspects of my NDE. It was like returning from a foreign land – a place that no one in my circle of life has ever visited – and then trying to explain to them what it’s like. It seems that words can only scratch the surface when it comes to describing the awesome wonder. And, perhaps if I were to give it a try, the only possible way that I can think of to help anyone understand even the most basic wonder is to try to create a picture.

So, imagine for just a moment if you will a place void of any and all negativity. A place void of fear, famine, dread, hunger, greed, hate, anger, pain, racial and religious bigotry, jealousy, disease, pestilence, violence and all other possible forms of human suffering. A place of total bliss, overflowing with harmony where only complete unconditional love and understanding exists – one filled with such magnificent splendor, color, beauty and wonder that it escapes all human comprehension. A place that at first seems so foreign and almost frightening, yet as you continue, begins to feel so familiar and wonderful – one where nothing is obscure or hidden. Infinite wisdom and knowledge abounds. Barriers or limitations of this physical world simply do not exist – one where there is no measure of time, no days passing, no seconds, minutes or hours ticking away on the clock. Everything is perfect and, everything makes perfect sense. A place that I have come to call “home.”

Can you imagine such a place? Wow, I still get a rush just thinking about it. Even though it wasn’t my intention to end up in this wonderful place, once I was there and aware of what was happening I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to come back to this world with all of its turmoil, but, that wasn’t my choice to make. Against my strong desire to stay in this glorious place the message was conveyed to me that I couldn’t. There was a problem with what we in this physical world consider the “ego” and it’s unwillingness to let go, and, there was unfinished business here on Earth. I had more to experience — more to accomplish — more to teach my son — more to learn from life itself, and, I had to set the record straight.

So, in an instant I found myself on another unimaginable excursion. I was shrouded in a layer of warmth like I had never known before — a blanket of intense love — and thrown into a vortex of beautiful colors swirling around me as I spiraled downward with incredible velocity when suddenly, bam! I was slammed with intense force back into my physical body. I can still remember the sudden jolt and the excruciating pain that I instantly felt throughout my entire body. I felt the precious blood of life surging through my head and that first gasp of precious air as I struggled to breathe through the tube that had been inserted into my esophageal airway.

This was all quite puzzling to me afterwards though, how I was able to vividly recall my experience and other details before and immediately following the incident, but have such a tremendous problem storing away new information later. The only plausible explanation that I have been able to come up with from extensive research on my own has been cerebral anoxia, which was later complicated by PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome). At any rate life’s mission wasn’t fulfilled yet and I was afforded the opportunity to come back to this world in order to carry out my life’s purpose. And as a part of that purpose I have to clear up any and all misconceptions on this situation being an attempted suicide. I readily admit on the other hand that in the wake of all the confusion in the aftermath compounded by the physical and emotional trauma sustained I did find myself yearning to return to that wonderful place. Even going so far at one point of hoping, wishing and praying that some sort of tragic incident or illness would come along and take me home. As strong as that desire might have been at times, through perseverance, the healing hands of time, the love of God, and my son, the longing to return has finally subsided. Even though the yearning has dissipated down to nearly nothing it still doesn’t make life any easier and I make no apologies. I had a difficult time readapting to the realities and conformities of this world after being reacquainted with the Other Side. And, consequently due to that fact, as hard as it may have been for number of people in my life to understand, once more I had to learn how to live and function in this world. In some ways I felt like a child living in adult body having to once again go through the process of growing up.

The entirety of this life altering experience has been rather bittersweet I have to say and, for the most part I’m glad it all happened. My life has expanded in so many wonderful ways despite falling from the good graces of people that I have loved and cherished. Besides, the past will always remain the past since it is impossible to turn back the hands of time or re-write history. It is all now just a part of my own life’s experience, therefore it has become only one of life’s memories. Oh, and incidentally speaking, the reality is, memories are an integral part of the Grand Design to this life, and they serve a great purpose.

I’ve heard it said before that experience is sometimes the best teacher. Well, I have to say that from a newly gained understanding of the term “experience,” my near-death experience has been the ultimate teacher. So, at the risk of being harpooned with yet another label or two I feel a certain obligation to share the basic premise of my journey. But, before I actually share this information please let me clarify a few very important points. First of all let me say that I’m not out to influence anyone’s thinking. That is not what I am about. However, I firmly believe that there are some who will understand, gather meaning, and possibly even identify with this information. On the flip side nevertheless, there will be those who don’t and won’t. Yet still, there will be those who may be open-minded enough that you find my experience rather thought provoking.

For those who do find meaning — whether by the grace of God, the miracles of modern medicine or a combination of both you have made your own incredible journey. Or, merely by some transcendental experience that you are able to identify then you may have an idea of what I’m talking about. Life is simply a series of experiences generated largely by choices that we make and the collectively stored memories or data that result thereof. If you really stop and think about life in its most simple form, what do we actually do from day to day besides manufacture and collect memories or data? I mean let’s face it, when our lives draw to a conclusion the most precious things that we leave behind are not the material treasures that we have amassed over our life span, our achievements or even our contributions to society. More important than any of those things we leave behind the effects that we have had on family members and loved ones, those who have wondered in and out of our lives, as well as individuals with whom we have crossed paths. We leave them with treasures far more precious than gold, silver or any other material possession; we leave them with memories and experience. And so, for those who don’t get any of this, perhaps because of a belief system that you cling to so tightly that it won’t allow you to think outside the parameters. Or, possibly you have lost sight of the big picture and become so conditioned to the ways of this physical world — all I have to say is good for you. My advice, which may or may not hold water with you is hold on to your way of thinking because it’s all just a part of your own unique experience, and I wouldn’t dream of trying to change it. And, lastly, for those who I may have provoked into “thinking outside the box” as they say, I firmly believe that should a strong need come along and prompt you to make changes within your own belief system, you’ll take whatever measures are necessary.

Another point that I would also like to make clear is that in no way am I claiming to be an authority on what happens when we leave this world. The only true authorities in my opinion are those who have crossed over the threshold only not to return to their current life’s experience. What I will say with such strong conviction though, is that I had an experience that was, and still remains very real to me — an experience that sometimes seems more real than this physical life itself. I crossed over the thin fine line that separates us from this world and came back. But, just because I went to the Other Side and then came back doesn’t mean that I came back the same way I was born into this world — blind. Once again, for those of you who have had your own experience I think you may know what I’m talking about. And for those who haven’t, please allow me to reassure you that it’s O.K. So please remain seated. Make sure your seat is locked in the upright position. Fasten your seatbelt and extinguish all smoking materials. We’re in position for take-off, so here we go.

We carry our life’s experience home from this world in the form of life data or memories, similar to that of a jet airliner which carries a flight data recorder, or a little black box as it is commonly known. As absurd as all of this may sound each and every one of us has on board our very own little black box. Even though we may be unaware of it, from the very moment that we are born into this world we begin forming, recording and storing memories or life data, right down to the smallest most intricate detail. There are however, two forms of memory. Our physical memory — which is basically subjective and at times can even be faulty — that was designed to aid us in our every day life. And, we have internal memory — which is absolute, unalterable and never faulty — that records all of the information from our life’s experience as it actually happens. And I might add that it does so in detail and from many different emotional perspectives. There are also corresponding energies that are basically attached to these memories or data that are either positive, negative or, in some cases neutral. This is a bit difficult for me to explain since there are some portions that I am unable to put into words, but I will do my best to give you the basic premise.

There is a Grand Design to this world and to this life and a part of the design begins with an act of free will on what is dramatically emphasized as “the Other Side.” Simply put, being born into this physical world is actually a choice that we make on the Other Side. In reality, we choose to come to this world and when we make this choice it is to experience many of the things that do not exist back home. If you remember correctly how I made mention earlier of a place where everything is perfect, a place on the Other Side that I call “home.” Back home, since everything is perfect, so are we to varying degrees — which doesn’t necessarily mean that we are in any way imperfect — we are all merely perfect on different levels. So therefore, in order to enrich our highest form of energy — or our souls — and grow to be more perfect, or in other words, to mature to a higher level of perfection we must first experience many facets of imperfection. The only way for us to accomplish this feat however is by gaining knowledge of what it is like to be imperfect and all of the various aspects involved.

Now, in this case, the only means of experiencing imperfection is to choose to incarnate and come to an imperfect world. And, contrary to my own previous knowledge that we only have one shot in this world, I know now that we may opt to do this many times. Time and again we choose to visit a living mechanical world that was designed and created imperfect purposely for the evolution of the soul, essence, spirit energy or whatever term you prefer. In a paradoxical sort of way you could say that anger, hatred, greed, jealousy as well as all other forms of human suffering were designed to exist in this world exclusively for our benefit because they do not exist back home. Physical life is nothing more than an experience of a multitude of things that do not exist on the other side simply for the evolution and maturation of the soul. In essence, life is a learning and growing experience.

Now, taking this into account, and since there is a Grand Design to this life, love is one of the grand element that is perfect and, in every sense of the word, intrinsic to all of creation. Love is not just a word, nor is it just a feeling or an emotion, nor is it a state of being. Love is a part of our very existence. So when we choose to come to this world we are girded in the very core of our existence, love, in order to help in our struggles to endure such an imperfect place. As we sojourn this world time and again we will unavoidably encounter designated hardship, adversity and moments of despair that will perhaps leave us feeling as though we have failed or wronged God, ourselves or another. Or we may even feel lost, abandoned, mistreated or betrayed by others. It is in these times however, when things may seem a bit hopeless you may rest assured that the love never fails. The love of ONE never fails and we are all an integral part of that ONE Love. In a mechanical world built to change, which is a part of the design for the evolution of experience — a world consumed with growing hatred and violence — one that may seem void of love — at the conclusion of our experience our true home awaits. But first, we must cross a thin fine line — one that many, including myself prior to May 12th, 1998, fear out uncertainty. And that thin fine line we refer to as death is nothing more than another part of the Grand Design which was formulated for ending our experience so that we may begin our journey home with all of our life’s data. Once we separate from this physical world — while carrying our life’ data — we then embark on our journey back.

There are sort of what I consider “transitional phases” involved, and the first for me is what I call the realizing that I was no longer living in the physical phase. In the initial process, I was not completely aware that I was separated from this physical world yet and I was still relatively vulnerable to all of the conformities of my physical life. All of the knowledge that I had gained, along with all of the emotional energies and attachments that I had accumulated over my life span, both positive and negative, remained with me and they kept me tied to this world. This initial phase was a bit terrifying at first since everything around me seemed so strange and unfamiliar.

Nonetheless, my first thoughts of the place where I landed after being sucked through a long dark tunnel was that this is either one hell of a lucid dream, or this is in fact hell. But then it occurred to me that this can’t possibly be a dream. For a brief moment just before being sucked through the tunnel I saw what I had always recognized to be me. My physical self clad in the usual blue robe with my significant other running around in hysterics. And there was this pungent odor of fecal matter lingering about in the air. Huh, I could smell. I couldn’t recall ever being able to smell anything in a dream before, which was another indication that this wasn’t just a dream.

Even so, as I entered into a lighted area, I could see a number of what appeared to me as mysteriously strange beings roaming about. Some laughing and giggling while others were weeping, moaning, groaning or making strange noises. I somehow gained the impression that most if not all of these beings were being taunted, either by themselves or by some sort of external force. I also heard the most extraordinarily spellbinding music. It was an unusual melody of some sort which was being played by an instrument that I have definitely never heard in my present life. While in the midst of what I interpreted as hellish-like surroundings I suddenly found myself in the company of a number of what I quickly distinguished as higher energy forms. These magnificent forms of energy were very different from the ones that I encountered initially. They were so bright and illuminating in contrast to the others, which had more of a drab physical appearance with distorted human facial features. I tried to keep my attention focused on these higher energy forms because of the love, power and warmth that emanated from them. The others seemed cold and frightening. But, knowing that the others were there made it difficult not to occasionally glance in their direction.

I noticed that there was one of the higher energies that seemed to stand out above the rest, this particular one felt more powerful. Not only was he/she larger in size, but also the love and warmth that I felt from this one was on a much grander scale. That’s right, I felt, and wow did I feel. I had never felt so alive yet felt so out of place. All of their radiance combined penetrated me in such a way that I am unable to describe. It was pure bliss. And as that was happening, I began feeling quite warm and comfortable in their presence. Almost immediately a deep sense of security came over me which in turn allowed me to relax and become more receptive to them. They turned away from me and began slowly walking and, somehow, I knew that I was supposed to follow.

We were surrounded by darkness with only shimmers of what looked like distant torch lights; but the shimmers of light were of no comparison to the glow of these magnificent energies. Their radiance lit the way as they led me down what appeared as a sandy beach with dark murky waters that would occasionally splash up on shore. They abruptly stopped and the higher energy approached me, then spoke, but not in words. I suddenly realized that I was no longer in my physical body. My senses seemed to all be intact, but there wasn’t anything for me to touch. I could smell, but I wasn’t breathing — there was no need for air. I could hear, but there were no audible sounds or words being spoken. I perceived myself as having had some sort of form or body, but I couldn’t feel anything tangible — skin, hair, nor anything else like we are able to feel while in physical form. There was only my truest, but not yet purest, form of conscious energy. And I was seeing and experiencing all of this through my conscious energy’s eye.

Realizing all of this wasn’t really that frightening because everything was beginning to feel so familiar and wonderful. Even though I was caught up in the moment of realizing that I was no longer in physical form, I was still able to interpret the message that the higher energy was conveying to me. He/she must have been sensing that I was frightened of the others, so the message that I received was that I shouldn’t be frightened of them. They didn’t pose a threat to me. They, like myself, had departed from our physical world or the other side. But, because of their ignorance in refusing to forfeit their negative emotional and physical energies and attachments to the world they were not permitted to continue beyond this point. In other words, by use of their own free will they refused to break the chains that bound them to this world. And consequently due to that they had to remain in this place that some refer to as “hell” until they came to terms with whatever it was that was holding them back and then agreed to let go of it. Perhaps I should explain in more detail.

Everything in our world as well as everything on the Other Side is in essence a form of what we term “energy.” Even inanimate objects in our world hold their own form of energy, just on different levels of vibration. And since energy is required for virtually everything to exist in our world, we therefore invest portions of our own personal energy in our feelings and emotions. It actually requires a great deal of our own personal energy for hate, anger, self-centeredness, obsessions and so on. It also requires a great deal of our energy for physical and or psychological addictions and attachments that are associated with these maladies. Now, if these negative energies aren’t dealt with appropriately before departing from this physical world, then the negative energies, like our positive, remain with us on our journey home. Before reaching our final destination, however, both the positive and the negative must first be reviewed, dealt with appropriately, the knowledge or lesson extracted, and then the negative energy itself must be released and expelled. Only the purest most positive form of energy is allowed to continue. If for any reason an essence refuses to give up something that is negative or isn’t permitted back home, then they can’t “pass go and collect $200.” There is a myth that has been circulating for centuries — and just for the record, I used to be one who put stock in this myth — that if we are not all good little people and follow God’s word and seek salvation, then in the afterlife he will condemn us to eternal hellfire and damnation. Contrary to this very popular belief, it isn’t a wonderful and loving God that condemns us by any means, but rather by the use of our own free will that we choose to — in a sense — condemn ourselves. Free will is a very important and necessary element that we will always possess no matter which side of the fence we are on.

The next phase for me, nonetheless, is what I refer to as the reflection and reorientation phase. In this phase the darkness quickly disappeared and there before me was the most beautiful ocean of many different colors swirling about as the tide rushed up on shore. The sky also seemed to swirl about with many different colors that were beautiful beyond all my imagination. And it was here that I would reveal all of my life’s data that I had bought with me. Every aspect of every experience that had occurred from the moment I was born until the moment I departed from the world was made visual before me and it was done so in a reflective manner. And adding to the awesome effect that in our linear time spanned nearly four decades were the emotional view points of all who were involved in every single instance of my life. It was all so very clear: I was my own critic, my own evaluator.

There were many visions where I felt joy and happiness for having touched someone’s life in a positive way — helped a person in need — raised a lowly spirit — turned a frown into a smile — made someone laugh when they felt like crying. But interlaced with the positive were also many moments where I was utterly grief stricken, feeling shame and sorrow for the negative impact that I had on other lives. I had caused so much unnecessary pain, conflict and strife, and as much as I wanted to. There was no changing what was already done. I saw everything through their eyes. I felt their pain and their emotions. I experienced their experience. And I became very critical because of it holding myself in contempt for having done such horrible things. Part of me wanted to run and hide, but I couldn’t. There was no escape. While a higher part felt compelled to continue and learn from it all — I somehow knew that it was for the best.

But as the grand finale rolled in front of me (there are no words to describe how I felt near the end when the reflection began to grow dim), as the image began to grow dim, I saw before me the lifeless body of a man whose existence had drawn to a conclusion with a consciousness filled with anger, resentment and bitterness because of everything that had transpired just shortly before his departure. And that man in the mirror was a reflection of me.

In contrast to the enormous amount of love or positive energy that I was carrying for my son, his mother and all of the other close people in my life, I was also carrying all of the negative energy that I had invested in the situation just shortly before my departure. And because I was still vulnerable to the world both the love and the anger continued to grow. The anger was intense and continued growing toward myself because of the stigma that I personally would be placing on one very special person, my son. And it would all happen as a result of my own actions. Since this was just the second stage, I was still very much connected to this physical world through my emotional ties, which were predominately to my son and his mother.

All of this seemed to take place in an instant, but at the same time it seemed like it lasted for hours or even days. Perception of time is so different in a place where there is no measure of time.

And while all of this was taking place my consciousness was regaining knowledge that had always been there, just not readily accessible. It almost felt like an awakening — a waking up to a higher level of awareness that had been asleep or dormant for what seemed like a long, yet short period of time. At the conclusion of my reflection and reorientation, the larger energy form asked — but again not in words — if I was willing to release all of the negative baggage I was carrying so that I could move on. And I agreed to. I wanted so desperately to stay in this wonderful and glorious place despite everything that I was carrying. I wanted be free from all of the oppressive negativity. I wanted to feel the love and not the hate. I wanted to feel peace and not anger, resentment and bitterness. But just because I wanted all of this, didn’t mean that it was going to happen.

Remember how I said that nothing is hidden or concealed in this place? Nevertheless, since I agreed, the next phase of my journey was to cross what I have come to call the “cleansing waters of no return.” This is where all of the collectively stored impurities were to be filtered from my conscious energy so that only the purest form of my energy could continue the journey home. Suddenly, everything in view began to cascade around me, almost as if it was melting, and I was immediately swept away into the warm beautiful waters as they enveloped me. At first I felt apprehensive because I knew that beyond this point there was no turning back. In the twinkling of an eye, however, the fear was gone and all I felt was complete peace, serenity, and most of all, the tranquility of pure unconditional love.

I was swirling about basking in its entire splendor preparing to return home when all of a sudden I was told that I couldn’t continue. I was receiving two separate messages at that point: the ego’s unwillingness to let go and my life on Earth wasn’t finished yet. At that precise moment, I felt it all come rushing back — all of the negativity. I couldn’t let go of the anger that I had been harboring towards myself over being separated from my son before he knew the truth. My son had chosen me as his father and I had ultimately let him down. I was still carrying an enormous amount of anger because my departing from the world in the manner in which I did would unjustly be ruled a suicide. And that conclusion would inevitably alter my son’s own experience. Furthermore, to complicate matters was the involvement of the anger that had brought me there in the first place. It felt like a double edge sword cutting me with both sides. The anger was cutting me over the legacy that I would be leaving my son, in contrast to the intense love that bonded me to him. He would ultimately struggle with this, and it would only cause him a great deal of pain. A pain that he would have to endure the rest of his physical life. And sadly, it was all because of my own doing. Again, I remind you that nothing is hidden in this place. Thus, against my strong desire to stay in the illustrious place I was told that I couldn’t, my conflicting emotional energies and ties to the world were too strong, and I had more to do.

That’s how and why I found myself back among the “living,” which after my experience I consider a contradiction of terms. Personally, I don’t believe it was purely by coincidence that after much painstaking deliberation my former significant other finally chose to attempt to save my life. Nor do I believe that the paramedics were able to arrive just in the nick of time to revive me. I do however, believe very strongly that it was by God’s loving Grace that the Almighty enabled everything to happen just the way that it did.

One of the most important things that I have learned from my experience is that there are no accidents. Everything happens for a reason. Besides, the alternative was that if I hadn’t found myself back in this world — as emotionally attached as I am to my son — I would have been roaming about in that hellish place or some of the other dimensions between here and there. Just like the others that I had encountered in the initial phase who were also bound to this world by their own emotional and physical ties.

Since my untimely journey to the Other Side, I have encountered numerous people who were so steadfast in their beliefs about life and the afterlife that they seemed to consider my experience outside the logical mind’s thinking. All the same, my own knowledge and experience has as much value, and has brought just as much meaning to my life as theirs has to them.

In conversations with friends, acquaintances, and not so friendly people, regarding my experience, there have been two basic reactions. There were only a few who seemed to have been a little more open-minded and accepting. While on the other hand the majority seemed to take on a more fixed, non-accepting attitude usually saying something along the lines as I remember one man’s bitter words, “I’ve heard enough! You’re gonna burn in hell for believing that crap!”

Needless to say, the more judgmental people wanted very little if anything to do with me afterwards. But that’s O.K. To each his own I say. It’s all just a part of their own experience and they are certainly entitled to their views and their beliefs just like everyone else experiencing life on this big blue marble — as long as no one gets hurt that is.

Discussing my NDE has been quite a learning experience in and of itself — learning about people and their prejudices — such as those who were respectful enough as true friends to accept the changes that my NDE brought about, as opposed to those who blindly defined our friendship strictly according to their own beliefs and reality.

As controversial as this whole issue has been though, I am quite pleased to say that even if I could, I still don’t think I would change a thing. And I’m happy to say that my experience was permanently embedded in my memory and has never faded. It still remains as wonderful and vivid today as it was in the moment, and I have learned to rely on it in times of difficulty in such a world of uncertainty.

I would like to take this opportunity to offer up a little piece of advice, if I may, and of course you can take it for whatever it is worth. If at all possible, I strongly petition you to make amends or settle your differences as best that you can. Whether they lie within you or with another it would be to an unselfish advantage to do so. My advice is, don’t allow you or anyone else to rob you of precious energy that could otherwise be used in creating more positive experiences. By the use of one very powerful word you can eliminate a lot of negativity and, in doing so, perhaps change your whole experience and attitude toward life. I had learned in the earlier stages of my own life just how important it is to apply this one specific word on a daily basis. But, it wasn’t until a couple of years after my NDE, when I was capable of thinking more clearly, that I was able to find a more practical, and deeper spiritual meaning.

Forgiveness has such tremendous healing powers and capabilities and when exercised properly is, in and of itself, a truly wonderful experience. All of the oppressive negative energies that we sometimes accumulate and store away because of our own life’s experiences tends to drag us down. Also, replenishment and recovery is as easy as not only saying, “I forgive,” but you must also feel it deep within the reflection of your soul as well. Usually, unbeknown to ourselves as we forgive and release all of the negative energy that we have invested in these emotionally challenging situations the healing process begins to work its magic the moment we make the choice. Granted, it may be a difficult task to forgive someone, or even one’s own self for that matter because of all the emotional pain that may be involved.

Taking this into consideration I strongly suggest that you look deep within and summon the Love inside of you, and do your best to make it happen. You may want to remember one thing though: we live in a reciprocal world. And consequently, due to that fact, in certain situations involving reciprocal differences forgiving someone else doesn’t necessarily mean that they, in turn, will be willing to forgive you. Ultimately, that is a choice that they and they alone will have to make. You and only you have the power to choose to forgive — no one else can do it for you — and it only works when you choose to use it. And so, by affording yourself this unique — design of the Great Divine favor — it will help alleviate a lot of energy depleting emotional pain, and thus help make your life in the moment more fulfilling. And furthermore, in the scheme of things, as your present physical life draws to a conclusion, by ridding yourself of as much oppressive negative energy that you possibly can, it will help make your journey home a much less complicated.

Categories
Experiences Suicide

Sandra Rogers’ Suicide Near-Death Experience

On April 30, 1976, following a previously unsuccessful suicide attempt by drug overdose the night before, Sandra Rogers placed a .38 caliber pistol to her chest, aimed it at her heart and pulled the trigger. During her darkest hour, Sandra attempted suicide again and expected to die; but instead, she found herself in the presence of a brilliant light. Instead of the oblivion she sought by committing suicide, Sandra was given an amazing understanding about life and infinite wisdom about the Other Side. The Being of Light gave her the choice of remaining in the Light, with the provision that she reincarnate and experience once again all that brought her to suicide; or she could return to life and live out the rest of her life. Sandra chose to return to life. What she learned on the Other Side profoundly changed her. On April 28, 2000, Sandra Rogers finally made the transition back to the Light due to complications resulting from her suicide attempt in 1976. The following article are excerpts from her wonderful book, Lessons from the Light, reprinted by permission, describing her near-death experience and some of the insights she learned while in the light.

Table of Contents

  1. Sandra Rogers’ Near-Death Experience
  2. Insights from Sandra Rogers’ Near-Death Experience
    a. Sandra’s Insights About God
    b. Sandra’s Insights About Love
    c. Sandra’s Insights About Spirituality
    d. Sandra’s Insights About Religion
            I. Sandra’s Own Experience With Religion
    e. Sandra’s Insights About Evil and Sin
    f. Sandra’s Insights About the Physical World
    g. Sandra’s Insights About Death and the Afterlife

1. Sandra Rogers’ Near-Death Experience

“Before the ambulance arrived I had what is now commonly called a near death experience.“I came into the presence of a brilliant, wonderfully warm and loving Light. While I was in the presence of this Light I was shown a review of my life and all the events that brought me to that point.

“I was fascinated as I watched my life unfold, that I was aware not only of my own emotions, but also the feelings of those around me as well as those whose lives we touched. I experienced their pain or pleasure and understood what motivated their actions toward others and me…

“As my life review continued, I encountered again all of the pain and hopelessness of my next several years; a series of bad relationships, pregnancies, miscarriages, broken marriages and suicide attempts. I saw myself as a young woman of twenty-five, married and divorced three times and hospitalized for drug overdoses six times. I felt how I hated my existence and could not understand how a loving God could allow these things to happen.

“I was aware as I relieved each of these terribly painful events in my life that the light, which was with me as I watched, felt all of my pain and sorrow and never judged me, but instead understood and loved me.

“The love I felt from the light was overwhelming and I never wanted to leave it. While I was in Its presence I had unlimited knowledge about anything I wanted to know. I was given the choice of remaining with the light, provided I return later to the physical world and experience all that brought me to the point of shooting myself, or I could return now and pick up my life where it was. I was told that I would eventually have the family and love I so desperately yearned for. I was also told that I could only take back the knowledge I needed to sustain myself, although I would be given insights to help others and me along the way as I continued my life journey…

“During my NDE I followed my angel guide into the light. The angel was absorbed by the light and so was I. While in the light I learned that everything in existence was created from the essence of God, the light.”

2. Insights from Sandra Rogers’ Near-Death Experience

a. Sandra’s Insights About God

God is Love, Light, and energy in all. God is the source of perfect Love and all life.

All you do and think is known to God, and God understands everything perfectly, and loves everyone just the same.

God loves and forgives you, and expects you to love and forgive others.

All the pain we feel or cause is felt by God.

Our soul is a part of God and God is a part of us; therefore, our souls are immortal and eternal.

Just as the smallest atom of your physical body is part of you, you are a part of God.

We are all one with God, and to hurt even the smallest part of God hurts us all.

Everything is a part of God.

Light is the single source through which all are united.

God does not punish, He only loves. He has given us free will to grow in knowledge and find happiness. Every thought or action causes a reaction by which we must live with the consequences. As an example, if I choose evil over good I suffer the natural consequences which I may perceive as God punishing me.

God sends truth through many channels to those who ask.

God is in all places at all times.

Listen to that small inner voice in your thoughts; it is the voice of God.

b. Sandra’s Insights About Love

Love, being God, is too immense and profound to ever be fully understood or experienced in the physical world.

The only thing that lives forever is Love.

God’s paradise for us is Love. We can create paradise again if we learn to Love one another as ourselves.

Life is a road full of lessons teaching Love. When Love is learned, you will forever be home.

To have an abundance, do what you do with Love, and Love what you do.

In the search for truth and understanding, all paths lead to Love.

Where Love dwells, God is there.

God transforms the results of man’s sins into opportunities to learn Love.

When we work for God, we create Love.

Every action of Love has a reaction of joy.

The greatest joy is to share Love.

Love at its best is Love motivated to action.

Indifference is the opposite of Love.

Forgiveness is the capacity to give Love in the most difficult circumstances.

Forgiveness shows God’s Love in action. It is as close as we get to God’s nature in this physical world.

Love in the physical world is a reflection of Love throughout eternity.

c. Sandra’s Insights About Spirituality

You are much more than you think you are. Others are much more than you think they are.

If everyone knew their true nature, there would be peace on Earth.

In order to become one with God, work must be done to remember or find the truth. The truth is this: your true self is a spirit and your spirit is one with God.

When you do unto others, you do unto God and yourself.

Those who seek to do good are on the quickest path to God.

If practice makes perfect, why not practice being good?

What you think is where your heart will be.

We can only gain what we are willing to accept.

If you want to find happiness, look for those in pain and help them.

A simple act of kindness, like a ripple on a pond, radiates from the giver throughout eternity.

Kindness finds its way back to you.

React to the faults of others as kindly as you do with your own faults.

That which you loathe in others is the very aspect you forbid yourself.

Others judge us by our actions; God judges us by our motivations.

Our character is built by our dominating thoughts.

Sleep is a time in which our spiritual body connects in a focused manner with God to recharge our energy.

Dreams are messages from your subconscious in the form of a puzzle. To comprehend your dream, piece the puzzle together.

Dreams without action remain dreams.

d. Sandra’s Insights About Religion

There is one God who is worshipped through many different teachings of many different religious faiths.

God is in all of us. God is male and female, all races, and the reason for all religions.

Even those who say they do not believe in God believe in energy and/or a life force; therefore, they do actually believe in God, they just have not figured out the name for “God” yet.

The gods of one faith are the angels, saints, or supernatural beings of other faiths.

Angels only need to be asked to intervene in your life.

God created differences in religion because of the different lessons we all need to learn.

There are only two true religions – the religion of love and the religion of fear.

A wrathful and threatening god is a god of man’s creation.

The universe is God’s cathedral.

The problem with institutionalizing God’s church through religions is that each religion tries to limit that which is limitless. God created differences because there are different ways to serve God, and different lessons we all need to learn.

The more spiritually evolved one is, the more one sees truth in different religions; one less spiritually evolved sees only differences.

To be fixed in beliefs is to try to make the infinite finite.

The belief that we are limited is an illusion. We are limited only by our beliefs.

Cries, wishes, hopes, desires, and thoughts are all forms of prayer.

Prayer is talking to God. Meditation is listening to God.

I. Sandra’s Own Experience With Religion

“During my youth I grew up believing that God is unfair. I was taught that when Jesus said, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father, but by me,’ this meant that only those who publicly profess their faith in Christ go to heaven. I felt if this were true, God is unjust because not everyone wants, or has the opportunity to be exposed to, Christian teachings. I asked the light, which I call Christ, how people from other religions get to heaven. I was shown that the group, or organization, we profess alliance to is inconsequential. What is important is how we show our love for God by the way we treat each other. This is because when we pass to the spiritual realm we will all be met by him, which substantiates the passage, ‘No one comes to the Father, but by me.’

“The light showed me that what is important is that we love God and each other, and that it isn’t what a person says, but the love in their being that is examined in the afterlife. In reviewing and reliving your life, your acts and thoughts of love bring you and God great joy, and your acts and thoughts of indifference, selfishness, and anger bring you and God deep remorse. We are all part of God’s family, and are all interconnected. Those organizations, or religions, which claim some singular relationship with God, claim superiority over others, or exclude people for various reasons, go against God’s law that we love one another as we love ourselves.”

e. Sandra’s Insights About Evil and Sin

Satan and demons are what you make them. Evil only exists because we fear and think unkind thoughts.

The beginning of all sin is seeing self as separate from others and God, creating the illusion that the deeds of self will not cause harm to others.

Anger is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. Anger is an expression of our free will, often manifested as a result of feeling controlled and feeling the need to assert our willpower over others.

There is no unforgivable sin. It is best to think of sin as the mistake of forgetting our oneness with God.

Anger is love’s energy misused.

Bigotry is self-hate.

When we hate others, we hate ourselves.

When you see someone full of hatred or anger, treat them with love so that you can be an example they may later reflect.

As long as you are a child of rage, you will not find the power to know your potential as a child of God.

An act of hostility, like a ripple on a pond, radiates out from the giver until eternity.

f. Sandra’s Insights About the Physical World

The physical body that the soul enters into is chosen prior to birth.

Souls choose to be born to parents who will help their spiritual advancement as well as the spiritual advancements of the parents.

Souls who choose lives which end in childhood deaths often feel the need to comfort the parents with after-death visits.

Most younger children have memories of their life before their birth, but those memories are dismissed as imagination by parents and others.

Those born with mental or physical afflictions are more spiritually advanced than others, born to help others evolve spiritually.

Hardships are necessary for the growth of our soul.

Obstacles are opportunities in disguise.

The greatest desire of your heart, when granted, can become a burden.

The greatest burden of your heart can become a blessing.

Life in the physical world is a struggle to find true happiness.

Pleasure is of the physical world. Happiness is of the spiritual world.

God wants us to have abundance. You will have physical abundance if what you are doing is spiritually fulfilling.

If an addiction isn’t conquered before your physical death, it could keep your spirit earthbound.

Moderation during physical life is the key to a successful transition to the spirit world.

The forbidden fruit symbolizes the spiritual body entering the physical body and starting the spiritual body’s desire for things of the physical world.

Earth is just one realm of learning; there are many.

Knowledge is more valuable than gold. It is something of value you can take with you to the spiritual world.

Using knowledge is far better than having knowledge.

From the point of view of our conscious mind, life’s not fair, but our spirit being knows there’s a purpose to our dilemmas: to experience in order to gain knowledge.

In our physical life we continually search for answers to the “whys” of life. When we die we will know the “whys.”

A society that asks, “What’s in it for me?” instead of “How can I contribute?” is a society that is doomed.

g. Sandra’s Insights About Death and the Afterlife

After death, you take with you what you are, not what you own.

Communication in the spiritual world is telepathic. Your thoughts are answered as rapidly as your mind can send and receive them.

When you die, everything you have said, thought, or done will be known by all.

Souls with like thoughts are drawn to each other in the afterlife.

There are no secrets in the afterlife.

Souls with evil thoughts avoid the light because they are too ashamed to have their life revealed.
You will eventually know the motivation of others who have touched your life.

Hell is a state of being we create by being away from God until we choose to return to him. It is a state totally devoid of love.

You will be judged as you judge others. Your prosecutor will be yourself.

That which controls you in the physical world (such as an addiction) will control you in the spiritual world.

We can help a deceased loved one’s spiritual transition through prayer. Prayer helps because our connection of love with that person.

Grief for a deceased loved one is like the pain felt by mothers who experience “the empty nest syndrome.” It is only a temporary loss, because they have only gone to their next stage of life.

Death, as the end of life, is an illusion.

Death is only a change from one state of existence to another.